Still missing you

I still miss you. It's almost twenty years since you've passed on, but I still remember your quiet and contagious laughter that came from your simple soul. Your laughter came not from the fact that everything was okay, but because you believed that God takes care of everything in His own time, even if that time didn't come according to our program. You were happy when we were together as a family, including the extended one, again, not because everything was perfect but because that is what a family is about.
From heaven, continue to watch over us. Pray for the world, that we may all rediscover that it is in the simple things in life, lived in authenticity that we truly find joy.
Happy birthday in heaven, nanay.

To preach and to heal

Jesus sends His disciples two by two, to preach and to heal. Jesus sends them out with the barest of the essentials. But a part of the essential is being sent in the company of someone, that is, the community dimension. Community is support in our mission. Community is also a message that we bring. The Good News is for all, and it unites us all in God's family.

God bless all families

We didn't come into this world by ourselves. We weren't born alone. Our birth may have had different circumstances but it was always by way of another person. Good or bad, in joy or in sorrow, we cannot deny that we are tied to our families. With a little humility and sincerity, we will say that we owe our life to our family.
No family is perfect, as nothing in this world is perfect.
Let us pray for families: those who courageously face life's challenges; the weak and wounded families; those who are suffering; those who dream a better future; those who only live for the present moment, without a higher horizon; those who struggle to put together the broken pieces of their life; those who wait, because circumstances force them to, and those who wait with trust in their heart because God is faithful to His promises.
Lord Jesus, you who chose to be born in a family, bless all families of the world. Amen.

Strangers

Something happened in our garden last night. Four youngsters did it. Two were caught and two managed to escape.
As one Sister was explaining to us this morning what happened, I heard a spontaneous question from somewhere: "Are these boys Italians?"
(Please note that I live in Rome.)
My instant reaction to this was to say to myself, "what a stupid question!".
And yes, I believe i t is. Our spontaneous remarks reveal what is in our heart. Jesus says, "words flow out of what fills the heart" (Mt 12:34). I suddenly thought that this Sister has a very negative view of foreigners, which is somewhat the case in many societies. But I could be wrong.
Anyway I was led to reflect on our tendency to think of others either as a threat or as inferior to us.
Again, I could be wrong.
But if I look closely in my own heart. This tendency is really very spontaneous. The other is always seen as wrong, as a threat to eradicate, as an inferior to subdue. This is the initial tendency. But we can always make the journey and not allow our lives to be conditioned by this initial reaction.
It is only by God's grace that we can be sincere in looking at ourselves and seeing our prejudices. It is only God who can convert our hearts and turn them from stone into flesh.
But we've got to do our homework too.
I think that the first thing to develop is "awareness" of what our heart tells us, of our feelings, of the sentiments that something or someone stimulates in us. We have to be very honest in naming them.
Another thing would be to hold our tongue. We don't always have to say what is in our mind, excusing ourselves in the name of freedom.
Still another thing to do would be to interact more with people without any agenda in mind; that is, relate just for the pure joy of relating with people. This will help us to see others not as competitors to crush but as human beings just like us, with their own fears, joys, dreams.
Lastly, pray. Pray Our Father that He may give us a magnanimous heart like his, "who causes his sun to rise on the bad as well as the good, and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike" (Mt 5:45).
When we learn to see the other no longer as a stranger but as a brother or a sister, then the night is over and the day has begun.

Brothers and sisters

We have watered down the Gospel message that we are all children of God and, therefore, brothers and sisters. We use the more sophisticated and better- accepted term "solidarity".
I am inspired to reflect on this because of our Rector Major's speech two Sundays ago.
We are not called to be in solidarity with others; rather, we are called to be brothers and sisters. The fact that we are all children of the same God, call Him whatever name you want, makes us brothers and sisters. The thing is to put it into practice.
When I choose to be in solidarity I can decide the who, what, when, why, how and how long of this relationship.
Instead, when I take seriously the Gospel message of our universal fraternity in God, I break down all barriers!
We do not choose our brothers and sisters.
They are given to us, or they are "a given" to us.
We do not limit our response to our brothers and sisters to a gesture or a specific period of time. They are our brothers and sisters 24/7.
There is no break or vacation in being brothers and sisters. So there should be no break or vacation in caring for people.
The time to love them is here and now.

Family

There is no perfect family. There is no generic checklist that would tell us what is a perfect family. We always look at our family from our own perspective and, wounded and imperfect as we are, it is always very subjective.
I can always find many personal strengths that have been influenced by my family, but, more often I focus on what is lacking, on my weaknesses, and it is always convenient to excuse myself or to blame my family.
"You can choose your friends, you cannot choose your family". This may sound like a curse, as if family is a burden one cannot do away with. Instead, my family gives me roots.
My family is a concrete expression that I belong, that I exist. My family will always be there whether I deserve it or not. I will always be a part of my family, whether I like it or not.
I guess, family reminds me that there are certain things in life that are a given. I cannot deny them. The choice that I have is how I will let them be a part of my life.

Happiness cannot be programmed

I am on vacation these days, back to my own country and trying to re-connect and spend time with my family and friends.
One night as I was lying in bed and looking forward to the following day's time with my family, I thought of what I would say or how I would handle situations which might emerge. I was busy thinking about how to make that experience special, healing and memorable. I might be called a paranoid, but since I will be going back to Rome and my sister is leaving for another country and my father isn't getting any younger, this meeting might be our last together.
As I was mulling over these thoughts, it came so strikingly clear to me that great temptation that has always been present in my life: to want to catch happiness and hold on to it. But this is both silly and futile. Happiness happens. You don't plan it. A favorite author of mine says that once you become aware of it, happiness flies away. That is true. When I look at happiness as something that is other than exuberance or exhilaration, then it is really possible to be happy at every moment. There are no patterns to follow to assure happiness. It is a gift from God.
Happiness gives us eyes to see things with wonder, to taste the different flavors of life and see their balance and harmony, to hear the good news, to speak with hope, to touch others with tenderness and in freedom.
Happiness is something that we discover within ourselves. It doesn't happen because everything around us is right and perfect. Since it is something within, Jesus is right, it is "a joy that no one can ever take away from us".

A ray of light

I had a phone conversation with my sister today. For me, it was heaven-sent, a manifestation of God's tender mercy.
These days I have been thinking of something and it seems like I am just going around in circles. Several times I felt so tired and exhausted. It has even robbed me of spontaneity.
My younger sister, as always the strong one, the frank one who calls things by their name, helped me to look into this maze from another viewpoint, albeit, not an easy one.
My problem hasn't been solved, but I now see it from another light. Indeed, my sister's words have given me hope and courage to make an important decision.
Thank God for sisters.

Community

I feel so very sad this afternoon. The weather is quite cool. It feels autumn, and I feel an ache in my whole being.
A sister in my community is leaving for her new community.
Since these days we are seeing so many changes in the composition of our community, our superior is motivating us about the beauty of our Salesian life, how, wherever we go, we find houses, homes, sisters. But it is not easy. Entering the door of a new house does not automatically mean entering the hearts of the people there. In much the same way, leaving a house doesn't make you automatically forget or "leave" the people, despite the tensions and frictions that may have been.
I actually wonder how true and sincere people are when they say, "Oh, when I left that community, I've cut all ties". Is it possible?
I cannot truthfully say that for myself, despite the experiences of pain, friction, misunderstanding, rejection, and yes, even competition.
And so I'll cry, and I'll let the ache in my heart penetrate my being, because I care. And that is what community is all about, isn't it?

Around the world

April 30 is my mom's death anniversary. Yesterday I dreamt of her. I dreamt of our old house, my dad and some people I've known in my childhood.
I found this video of a song my dad sang at her funeral. I cannot listen to the song without remembering my dear and kind mother. I miss her.

A portion of her joy

When they had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, 'Make your request. What can I do for you before I am snatched away from you?' Elisha answered, 'Let me inherit a double share of your spirit.'

(2 Kings 2:9)

Today would have been my mother's 72nd birthday. I miss her. Her death was so sudden that we didn't even have time to prepare ourselves for it. But then, who is ever prepared for the death of a loved one?
She died nine years ago but to my mind and my heart she is still very much alive. Maybe it is a blessing that I've not seen her bedridden or confined to a hospital. She will always remain to me a happy and friendly person, always reaching out and trying to make people feel at ease, even those who were quite condescending towards her.

As I remember her today, I ask for a portion of her joy. A joy so authentic, that she has always radiated it in the most stressful and difficult situation. A joy so pure that she was never left without it even when people were indifferent and unkind.

My sister

Last Monday was my sister's birthday. She is special because she is my only sister. Our relationship has developed throughout the years. There were a lot of moments of misunderstanding because of words said and unsaid, gestures that left one or the other hurt. Each of us has chosen her own path but since we are sisters we cannot but find ourselves together at certain crossroads. I thank her for having allowed me not only to be her sister but her friend, as well. She is to me a source of inspiration because of how she has always been sincere and true to who she is. This, for me, is her greatest quality. No half-measures for my sister. And she is such a woman of strength, and it comes from a conviction that she is truly loved by God, the only One who never fails. Thank you, Gi, more birthdays to come.

Longing for home

When we were younger we couldn't wait to go out to see the world and to spread our wings. But at a certain point in our life, we just experience that yearning to be cuddled, to be tucked in bed, to be offered a cup of hot chocolate and to be told that no matter what mess we have made of our life, we are still special to somebody. We long for home.