Smile again

Perhaps some will disagree with me, but as we end this year I can say that, as a general rule, no matter how deep the grief is, the day will come that you will learn to smile again.

Yes or No

"Are they going to take breakfast here?" a Sister asked me early this morning. Yes, early, in fact, too early since it was not yet the time for rising.
Let me see, how can I answer her.
The first option is to tell her "What a stupid question to ask!", complete with a condescending face.
Another option would be to not say anything and just let my eyes do the talking.
Another option would be to get angry and to reprimand her for breaking "silence".
And of course there are other options...
Whatever choice I make would influence my whole day and hers.

I appreciate the wisdom of Jesus when he said that when we have to answer a yes or a no, it is enough to say yes or say no because the rest comes from the devil (Matthew 5:37).
How many misunderstandings would have been and would be prevented if we just adhered to these wise words.

By the way, just in case you are wondering how I answered Sister, I said, "yes".

Peace

Inspired by a verse on today's Gospel: "Because of the tender mercy of our God by which the daybreak from on high will visit us to shine on those who sit in darkness and death's shadow, to guide our feet into the path of peace." (Lk 1:78-79).
Peace on earth will not be the result of treaties, armed security or beauty pageants.
Peace on earth is the fruit of the tenderness and mercy of our God that illumines and dispels the darkness in our hearts so that, finally, we are able to see that we are all sisters and brothers whose lives not only touch but are intertwined.

God's footprints

I am still trying to understand what is God's message in the recent happenings in the Philippines.
If we look at it as a battle of the "good versus the bad", and you find yourself in the losing end, it is easy to be discouraged or to get angry. However, let us remember that it is God who saves the world. He uses many ways and means, including us, but He is free to choose whatever and whoever He wills. Let us not be discouraged; rather, let us find in our heart the compassion of Jesus that listens and understands the "other person".
Let us be humble in acknowledging that we do not own the truth. We are seekers of the truth. The truth doesn't force itself to be accepted because in time it will emerge as what it is, the truth.
Let us pray that the birth of Jesus may remind us all that when we choose what is right, we have to pay the price: unpopularity, poverty, solitude. But in the end, we acquire a deep joy and serenity that no one can take away from us.
Let us pray for our Catholic Church, and we are all part of this  wonderful but fragile family, that we may truly follow the way of Jesus. May we be at home with the poor and listen to their life stories and struggles without imposing our moralistic convictions and sounding so high and mighty. May we be at home to be poor and be happy with what is essential, consciously choosing not to vest ourselves of benefits and privileges.
Lastly, and this is really my most fervent wish, that we may have the courage to choose what is right not according to what is convenient to me now; rather, be guided by a well-informed and well-formed conscience. We haven't learned the lessons that history teaches us, that to choose based on personal convenience is a short cut to destruction and chaos.

John's program of life

Today's Gospel gives us a wise reminder, a simple program of life from a simple man, John the Baptist (Lk 3:10-18):
1. Share.
2. Be fair.
3. Be gracious especially if you are in power.

Seeing God

To see your face today, this, O Lord, I pray.

To forgive

It took time for me to understand how true it is that when you forgive, the person who benefits most is yourself.

The Lord is with you

"Rejoice, you who enjoy God's favour! The Lord is with you." (Luke 1:28)


Mary's life shows to us what being "graced" or "blessed" or "the favoured one" means.
We run after the crumbs that we fail to appreciate that the greatest blessing is having the Lord present in our lives. The greatest gift, the greatest blessing is God Himself.
Mary delighted in this favour. And nothing, not even the most painful moment of Christ's passion, crucifixion and death, has taken away from her this deep joy.

Something within

It is a waste of time and energy to run after others' approval. True happiness is something within and no one can take it away. 

Nearer to me

Though at times His face may not be clear, I know that my God is always near. Nay, He is nearer to me than I am to myself.

Saying goodbye

Each time we say goodbye, it breaks our heart so that it can open itself wider and wider until it becomes like the heart of God where each person has a place and finally finds a home.

The heart remembers

When I remember someone's special day without the help of modern gadgets such as Birthday Alarm, it means that this person is really special. Gadgets remember the information; the heart remembers what makes it special.

Brothers and sisters

We have watered down the Gospel message that we are all children of God and, therefore, brothers and sisters. We use the more sophisticated and better- accepted term "solidarity".
I am inspired to reflect on this because of our Rector Major's speech two Sundays ago.
We are not called to be in solidarity with others; rather, we are called to be brothers and sisters. The fact that we are all children of the same God, call Him whatever name you want, makes us brothers and sisters. The thing is to put it into practice.
When I choose to be in solidarity I can decide the who, what, when, why, how and how long of this relationship.
Instead, when I take seriously the Gospel message of our universal fraternity in God, I break down all barriers!
We do not choose our brothers and sisters.
They are given to us, or they are "a given" to us.
We do not limit our response to our brothers and sisters to a gesture or a specific period of time. They are our brothers and sisters 24/7.
There is no break or vacation in being brothers and sisters. So there should be no break or vacation in caring for people.
The time to love them is here and now.

Adversity

Just as strong winds test the sturdiness of a tree, so does adversity demonstrate the strength of our character.

Fidelity

Fidelity doesn't mean being in a static and unchanging situation. Fidelity means coming to grips with change and continuing to discover the sense in saying yes to your commitment, in good times and in bad times. Fidelity is to welcome change as the necessary backdrop of growing deeper roots. Fidelity is to have the courage to spread our wings.

Care a lot

What best describes the first Christian community was the way they loved each other. This greatly puzzled their contemporaries. These Christians gave up their personal resources so that the apostles may distribute them to the other members of the Church, so that nobody may be wanting.
This was certainly unusual. It still is, in fact. Our security and the security of those closest to us is always our  top priority. That is why we have all sorts of investments and insurances. It is, therefore, not easy for us to understand when people give up something (material or otherwise) for the sake of others.
The good news is, this is not something that is only history. It still happens everyday, in big and small ways. When we care for others, when we let people's struggles and pains touch us and make us change and have a different perspective, then we are really followers of Jesus.
I once watched a Christmas film and one of the characters said: "the difference between our town and the big city is, here, we care for each other."
I like the word "care." It denotes a certain strength that becomes vulnerability to be touched by others' suffering and pain.
Caring is love that warms the heart.
I remember how my youngest brother, Stephen, used to repeat the Care Bears slogan "we care a lot."

Among you this is not to happen

A young Filipino archbishop was very recently nominated cardinal. He is really a well-known and very charismatic person, that soon comments started to come out that he could be a future pope.
Of course this event comes as we Filipinos are still caught up in the euphoria of our second saint. These are both definitely high moments in the current bleak horizon of miserable poverty, violence, corruption and a laissez-faire lifestyle adopted by many. So I don't really blame people who harp on events like this since they sort of put us on the map in a positive way.
What actually puzzles me is when I hear it from "Church" people: priests, nuns, active lay persons.
It seems like this desire to put ourselves at the center, or far above than the other or with privileged positions, is too deeply rooted in the human person. It manifests itself in our comments, in our catchphrases.
What would Jesus say about this? I remember Jesus' words to his apostles in last Sunday's Gospel (Mark 10:35-45): "among you this is not to happen". Yes, Jesus calls us to be converted to His criteria. Saint Paul expresses it as "having the mind and the heart of Jesus".
When we serve, we don't look for titles. Roles are not important for us. What matters is to use the occasions of our everyday life to show the love of God, which we personally experience, through concrete acts of service.  When we serve, with the mind and the heart of Jesus, the good deed itself is already our reward.

Choices

One of the root causes of our miseries is our tendency to limit our criteria in making judgments to expediency and self-interest. Instead what is needed is to become persons whose judgments are based on principles. Perhaps my choices may cause me to suffer or to let go of certain comforts, but in the end they are truly beneficial not only to me but to my community and to the future generations.

Adoration

Letting go is the beginning of true adoration.

New life

It is one of the great paradoxes that in order to have life one must die. And what is death if not the cutting off of everything that is familiar!
When we were born we had to leave the security of our mother's womb. This deatchment is rendered more clearly by the cutting of the umbilical cord.
Then we pass on from the safety of our home to something bigger. On our first day in school we had to struggle, holding on to mommy's hand. It wasn't easy to let go of that familiar hand but we knew that we cannot go and run around with the other kids unless we let go of that hand.
And so our life is marked by different kinds of dying; some of them more painful and more permanent than the others. There is always the resistance to enter into the unknown, to let go of the present state of things since, for all its imperfections, the present state gives us a sense of security.
But you know, deep in your heart, that you have to make a choice. You may either let go of the present and enter into the unknown, armed only with the certainty that the One who has been with you through your many deaths will continue to be with you; or you may choose to resist, to wallow in bitterness and disappointment or to live in a dream world that is only in your mind .
We were born without our permission, but our birth into new life is a choice only we can make.

Perspective

If you always think that your idea is the best, you have a vey poor perspective, indeed.

Salvation

The rich young man asked Jesus, "What must I do to have eternal life?"
Strange how normal it is for us to think that if we want something we have to "work" for it.

"To have eternal life"
I think that this is one question that we all have in our heart. Probably it is not "eternal life" in its religious sense. Perhaps it is the silent prayer that the present state of life, when everything goes well, just continue. Or perhaps it is the wish for better days.

"I have done that since childhood"
I read disillusionment behind these words. It is as if the man was saying "the formula is wrong".
I believe that each one of us experiences this disillusionment once or more in our life. You keep the rule, you live within the expected parameters, and life seems to be fine until one day you just find that everything crumbles or an ache nagging at your heart. Then you cry out to God or to "anybody" out there to get you out of the rut, out of this uneasy place.

"Go and sell what you have ... give away the proceeds ... then come and follow me"
This is God's response, and it totally baffles us. In going and selling everything I am invited to see the futility of thinking that I can get what I want if I just work for it.
After the disenchantment brought by my past experiences of self-sufficiency, it would seem easy to "sell everything", but it is not.
The invitation really is to let go of control. And I hesitate because i want to hold on to something, no matter how small it may be, but hold on to something that gives me security.
The invitation is to let God work in me. It is an invitation to trust, that fullness of life is a gift ... that God generously gives this fullness of life without any merit on my part ... that when I open my heart to God, the laws, the rules don't lose their meaning at all, rather, they find their proper place not as a burden but as my participation in God's creation of His Kingdom here on earth. Then my heart enlarges and there is room there for everybody.

The young man went away sad ... he had many possessions"
What a pity! Burdened with his many ties to comfort and security, the young man loses his chance to true joy. He fails to see the eyes looking at him with love.
And this story repeats itself again and again.
May it not have the same ending in our life story.

For it is indeed only in God that we find salvation: salvation from the original sin that still leaves an imprint in our lives, both personal and communitarian, poisoning our chance to true joy; the original sin is our illusion that we are the center of the world, that we can live without God.

Quiet joy

I am not an expert in words but there is something about the word "joy" that fascinates me. I used to interchange it with the words happiness and cheer. But more and more I prefer the word joy. I cannot yet fully explain, but something in my heart says that "joy" expresses something deeper and more lasting.
Other synonyms for joy according to thesaurus are mirth, pleasure, hilarity, bliss, liveliness, revelry, etc. But they seem too superficial for me, too boisterous.
Instead for me joy is something deep. It is not something spectacular or bombastic. Joy is something that is so transparent you cannot see it but you sense it and you feel its absence.
Joy isn't a result of being in a state of perfection or absence of problems and worries.
Joy is the fruit of an ongoing journey of coming to terms with our imperfections and with the imperfections of life. When we accept these imperfections not with a skeptical nor defeatist attitude, but rather on bended knees, knowing deeply that somehow, in a way that surpasses our understanding, we are Loved with a love that endures and which has no end. This is joy. So it is necessarily something humble and quiet, free from grandstanding. Then the other face of joy is necessarily gratitude to the Love that accompanies us and never lets us be crushed.
Yesterday evening Pope Benedict XVI addressed the crowd gathered at St. Peter's Square in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the opening of the Second Vatican Council. He said that it is indeed a moment of joy; but ours is a quiet and humble joy as in these 50 years we have come to terms with the weaknesses within the Church. But we have joy in our hearts all the more because we know that the People of God depends at all times in the God of everlasting and gratuitous love. This is the cause of our joy.

My prayer for today

Lord, I don't ask for easy answers. I ask for the courage to grapple with my doubts and uncertainties. I ask for hope to see the shafts of light in the midst of my struggles.

Dancing to God's tune

The first reading of today is one of my favorite Bible verses. It is the "Canticle of love" from 1 Corinthians 13, especially verses 4 to 8. It is really a very beautiful and ideal description of love. It has always been a useful guide for me in verifying my attitudes. And, of course, I always come short.
Today, as I made my reflection on this text, I substituted the word "love" with the word "God", so it goes this way:
God is always patient and kind; God is never jealous; God is not boastful or conceited, God is never rude and never seeks his own advantage, God does not take offence or store up grievances. God does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds joy in the truth. God is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. God does not come to an end.
As I was slowly reading the words, I felt as if I have made a big discovery, that a great gift of insight has been given to me. The true but very familiar expression "God is love" has suddenly acquired a new meaning for me. The words of Saint Paul have helped me to understand at the gut level what it means when I say that "God is love".
Perhaps before using this text from Saint Paul as a way of evaluating my way of loving, I should use it as a way of deepening my understanding of who God is. And God is love, God is patient, God is kind, God is never jealous ... not in an abstract way, but in my regard. Yes, I am the lucky recipient of God's love.
But do I really believe this? Does my life show that the God I believe in does not take offence or store up grievances? Why is it that a lot of times I avoid sin because I am afraid of God's punishment or that somehow if I do not do good I feel uncomfortable because I am not pleasing to His sight?
I guess it is not easy to believe in a God who loves us warts and all, and with a love that is constant. Of course it is not easy to believe because we live in a society where everything is tit-for-tat. We have to deserve the good, we have to work for it. Why is it so difficult for us to accept when something bad happens to good people? It is because deep within we are guided by this belief: reward and punishment.
And this also manifests itself in our relationships. We cannot believe when someone says he or she loves us. In our subconscious we immediately think, what did I do to deserve this, or, what does this person need or hope to get from me? On the other hand, even our seemingly purest motivations could hold a hint of selfishness. There is always something in there for us, whether for self-preservation, self-promotion, etc.
But I will not be discouraged. I have received a very beautiful invitation to experience how wonderful my God is. And He is wonderful not because of me. His love is a love that is not conditioned by anything or anyone because love is God's nature. Perhaps this is the reason why Saint Therese of the Child Jesus became a saint. She just delighted in being the recipient of God's love, without trying to understand whether she deserved it or not.
So today I heed the Gospel invitation of "dancing according to God's tune". The world says that nothing is free in life, that we have to earn everything, that there should be a limit to our trusting and forgiveness ... But my God says that I can rest secure that His love will never end.
And I believe in my God.

Children of God

"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who treat you badly ... you will then be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked." Luke 6:27-28, 35

It is possible to think well of others, speak well of and to them, and do something good for them when I keep in mind that generosity is God's constant attitude. God doesn't treat me well because I treat Him well. His style is not tit-for-tat; rather, His is pure .gratuity.
It will help me well to remember and believe the truth that I am God's daughter. So I have it in me to be like God. I can be kind, forgiving, magnanimous.

Elusive joy

 Don't begrudge people their happiness. Be like God whose heart is so big everyone can have a place in it. The more you try to make others happy, the more that elusive true joy will come to you.
Joy is playful. It evades you when you want to control it, but it lingers in you when you share it.

A virtual canvas

I was in South Sudan for one week. It was a very enriching experience. So much poverty, but so much resilience on the part of the people. There, where life is simple, I saw the marvels of God's creation: birds with a variety of colors, the sky was like a never-ending canvas of God's creativity.
I admire our Sisters' simplicity and nearness to the people, sharing their fatigues and hopes.
I saw the famous Nile river (Sudan side) when we visited Mori, a small village near Juba. I felt as if I was transported back to the Philippines in its simplest rural towns. Mango trees abounded, goats and chicken running around with the children, women doing their chores, small huts made of mud.
The experience was like a crash course on how to welcome life as I met people with very little or even nothing, but with excited eyes in anticipation of life's surprises.

Again, on saying goodbye

I'm back in Rome.
The other day as I was packing my things and trying to put back in their proper places the things that I have used these past two weeks, another wave of quiet pain hit me. Here I am again experiencing another goodbye. I thought of the other goodbyes I've had in my life. Not one was without pain, though the intensity varied.
Then the question hit me again: Is it worth investing one's heart or giving space to joy and delight, when we know that everything comes to an end? Wouldn't it be easier to just be detached?
Then one line from a movie came back to me: It doesn't seem like God put us on this earth to have it easy, but He did put us here to love one another.
I guess daring to love, knowing that our love will always be imperfect no matter how hard we try, is giving honour to God.

Bells

One of the unusual, in a good way, experiences I am having up here is the delight in listening to the bells of the chapels and churches throughout the valley. Their ringing signals the time or an invitation to Mass. At some point they sound as if they are talking to each other with one asking a question and the other responding. It is as if they are talking about a mystery, sharing a secret that only they know.
I feel called to discover the secret, to be part of that mystery. And when I just close my eyes and really listen, I have a feeling that I am getting closer and closer to the secret.
I feel sad that we have lost this connection with mystery. We want to have explanations for everything. I don't think that is bad. But what is bad is when we become too attached to our explanations, forgetting that life is infinitely more interesting. We forget the art of asking questions because we have lots of things to do and responsibilities to face, and so we become secure in our state of blissful ignorance. 
The bells in this valley remind me that our life is a part of a bigger mystery. It is okay not to be sure. It is okay to ask questions. Nay, they are the beginning of liberation.

Mother and Child

Yesterday we went to a campsite which is curiously called "Il treno dei bambini" (Children's train). There is an unusual statue of the Mary with the Child Jesus. Below the statue is a brief description in Italian that can be roughly translated this way: under a pile of snow, the like of which has never been seen, the barn collapsed ... among the wreckage ... the Baby Jesus remained intact embraced by the protective hands of His mother, Mary. Jesus Christ is the baby... He always triumphs. His mother's (Mary's) hands always protects. They made a sort of an altar with the remains of the barn. What an impressive image, what a comforting message.
On this day of her Assumption into heaven, Mary reminds us that we are made for greater things. Our hearts are too noble to be satisfied with the passing things of this life. We don't need to despise the things of this world, after all they are gifts from God. Nay, we delight in them but it is useless to attach ourselves to them. It is a folly to build our lives on them.
We don't need a lot of things. We have what we need to be happy. What makes us unhappy is not the lack of things but the lack of attention and appreciation to that which we already have. It is the desire for more, to surpass what others have, that makes us insecure.
And as that inscription on the altar reminds me: Jesus is the One that endures forever. When our hearts are anchored on Jesus, we are already having a taste of heaven.

Sophia

I had a student named Sophia. That was many, many years ago. Her intelligence impressed me. Her questions provoked me. Her indifference intrigued me.
I was then a very young Sister with so many high ideals, wanting to change the world, trying hard to make a difference to the lives of my students who, at the onset of their youth, were anything other than interested in "a life with a higher purpose".
Many years have passed since then. I have changed. I am sure that my students have changed. Life moved on, it still moves on. What I considered brilliant ideas and strategies as regards educating my students, or as regards life in general, I now consider as "hot air", as a former professor usually described our expositions.
Life teaches us that what really matters are not the ideas that just stay in our heads, no matter how profound they may be.
It is life itself that proves what to us matter most. There are no textbook solutions to life's "exams". How we handle them reveals what we have learned.
And this learning is called wisdom, "sophia".

The Kingdom of God

The Kingdom of God is not about "conquering" people for God. Rather, it is about bringing God to people through concrete expressions of love. Just like Jesus did.

The code

Lord, help me to remember "the code" so that I may be able to read your message in the people that I meet and in the events of today.

Psalms

Last Sunday while praying the Lauds I almost choked when we reached the part that says "I was punished, I was punished by the Lord, but not doomed to die" (Psalm 118).
I've never believed that God punishes us or puts us to the test. In fact, I often feel bad when people speak of their problems as God's test.
God is Father.
Perhaps in this day and age this affirmation doesn't mean anything; or worse, it may arouse something negative.
But when I say that God is Father, it means that I believe that God is the giver and sustainer of life. God wants nothing else but that we live to the full His gift of life.
So where does suffering enter? Well, this is how I understand it: Suffering is a "given", as a consequence of our creaturehood, our finite life, our imperfect world. That is why no one is exempt from suffering.
But to get back to Psalm 118...
While reciting it, I just thought of how the author of that Psalm, written thousands of years ago, has adequately expressed something that is mine. I, too, experienced the depth of suffering. I've "kissed dirt". I thought there was no way out. I thought the pain would never end...
But here I am...
Once in a while the thought of how much I've suffered still comes back...
the ache in the heart...
but it's a quiet ache, a reminder to forgive;
a gentle assurance that, indeed, things get better.
The psalmist expressed it so well, yes, God did not let me die. "I shall live and recount his deeds."

Don Riccardo

I consider it a blessing that Don Riccardo is our community chaplain on Sundays. He has a way of communicating that leaves me always fascinated. One time after the Mass I approached him and told him "You know Don Riccardo your homily made me want to love Jesus all the more."
And I believe that he has this effect on many people.
And the beauty of it is that Don Riccardo is a coherent witness to what he communicates. I can call him goodness incarnate.
In his lectures and homilies he always focuses on Jesus, the merciful, the Good shepherd, the one who came to give us life to the full, the friend of the poor and the marginalized. And just looking at him and listening to Don Riccardo, you get to experience what this means.

He was my professor many years ago. One of the things that have struck me most about him was his capacity to see something positive out of any person or situation. And he wasn't doing it in an artificial or forced way. He just has that intuition, that open-mindedness that is able to see something good, despite the fact that it may have been so insignificant or "microscopic" that it has eluded the majority.
Don Riccardo reminded us this morning that we should not get lost in the "what" and the "how" of our mission; rather, we should always ask ourselves the "why" of our mission. And I believe that the why of our mission is always something personal. Of course the Church gives us beautiful and correct statements that express the "why" of our mission. But in the end, what really counts deep in our hearts is our personal experience that answers this "why": Jesus! I experience Him as the meaning of my life in a very deep and existential way. And I want to share it with others so that they, too, may have this wonderful gift: a life full of hope.

Self-acceptance

If you are not comfortable with yourself, how can you expect others to like you?

Joy is within

Do not let the world fool you. Joy is not something you earn. It is not something other people give you. It is not something material things assure you of.
You are not a beggar. Joy is your heritage.
Joy is within you, in your heart.
And that is the trick. We are often more comfortable in exploring the world than in entering the silence and the truth of our heart.

Hoping for the worst?

Yesterday evening I had to give a reminder to our community. I didn't want to do it since what I was about to say meant a half-day inconvenience to all. Yes, I didn't want to say it. I dreaded the complaints that I would hear, and as I was going to our community room, I was almost intimidated by the string of possible comments that were playing in my mind.
What is it about human nature that it is easier for us to think of something negative? Is it in order to brace ourselves and lessen the impact of a "NO"? Or is it the cynic in us that has been disillusioned time and again that it just refuses to believe that a different outcome can take place?
But I had a big surprise. Nobody said anything in contradiction or to lodge a complaint.
I was humbled. Perhaps it is time to recover trust, that important attitude necessary for living.
Hoping for the best may not bring out the best in people, but it can bring out the best in me.

Time

 "This experience has marked my life. I am never the same. Suddenly I feel as if my heart has been torn apart and it is going to take a long time to heal. I will take this time and be gentle with myself. I will entrust myself to Jesus, the friend who never fails. He alone can heal me.
I hope that when you read this, you will be okay.
Take care always and remember, especially in your difficult moments, what an amazingly strong woman you have become." 

I wrote this to myself a year ago. I don't even remember having written this letter to myself. As I read and re-read every line, it dawned on me how time is a great healer.
I am okay now. In fact, I could say that I am in a good place.
But I had to respect the law of time. Time is its own rule. It cannot be hurried. It cannot be brought back, nor can it be anticipated.
And it turns out that what I wished for myself a year ago all came true.
But it took time...

Moving on

To move on means to have something move out of your life.

Self-destruction

A person or a society without God self-destructs.

It is okay to be kind

It is not the nationality, social class or level of education that determine the manners and character of a person. I saw one interview that said that it is the fault of adults that children do not have values and manners anymore; basic manners like respect, honesty, integrity, hardwork, self-discipline, concern for others.
Many adults are childish and they are guided only by one criterion: their own pleasure.
I think this is one of the root causes of the malaise in today's society. We don't care for principles, promises, vows, word of honor. As soon as a problem starts we already want out. There is so little resistance to pain and suffering because we were not trained in a life of discipline. Very few dream and struggle for a better future because we have everything, or we have things that keep us entertained, making us forget the more important and lasting things in life. Many young people's dream is either to be a singer or actress or a professional athlete because these are the easiest ways to fame and fortune.
So why do we blame children for acting without manners? Do we, adults, act with manners? Whenever I read comments on the web with the unmentionable and obscene expressions, I cringe at how much degradation we have arrived at. Do we need to hurl an invective or to say a swear word just to show that we are "in", that we are smart?
We want the easy and comfortable life where we are king and queen of the world. Sacrifice? It is one of the most unpopular words. Why sacrifice when we can have everything that we have; or why sacrifice when others can have what they want?
We need to regenerate society not from treaties between nations. They are often beautifully worded but lack spirit and dynamicity.
As adults, let us reclaim our role of communicating to the younger generations that the world is beautiful, and we  are privileged to contribute to make it truly so.
Let us not renounce this responsibility just because we want to remain popular, or we are tired, or we want an easy life, or we simply don't care. How can children know what is true, good and beautiful when our lives as adults do not show it to them?
Children learn from what they see, not from what they hear.

Why not start by remembering that "It is okay to be kind"? Start an act of kindness and see that you will spread sunshine all around.
Warning: don't wait for the result as you may not see them very visibly. But be sure that somewhere the little pebble that you have thrown on the pond is having its ripple effect.

Grateful

When our life isn't focused on vindicating our so-called rights, our eyes and our heart remain uncluttered and we are able to see that we are surrounded by so much kindness. Then we always find something to be grateful for.

Believing in true love

Today, as I celebrate and thank God for the wonderful gift of life, I look back and see my journey with its ups and downs. There have been unpleasant experiences, difficult episodes and long periods of doubt and darkness. When they happened I just wanted them to come to an end. I think nobody wants to suffer. Every person wants to cut short the difficult part. No one would want to stay for long in an uncertain period of waiting. But somehow, as I look back, I know that I have tried to face them. I did not escape them. I have paid them my due. And little by little the pain eased. It took time but finally, the dawn has come.
I can truly say with Saint Paul that "for those who love God everything works together unto good". What is paradoxical is, I really had to experience with my own flesh this truth in order to make it my own personal truth.
Why do we need to suffer? Why do we have to pass through the crucible of solitude, of defeat, of betrayal, of despair? Is there no other way to grow except through the way of the cross? Perhaps. But what I know is, all men and women have to pass through the narrow door, so that in the process of pruning and purification we may come to the truth that really matters: we are loved in a unique and personal way.
When we come to terms with our imperfections and shadows, we can either wallow in despair or choose to cling to Someone and believe that we are loved just as we are, no ifs nor buts.
I choose to believe in that Love.

Misplaced loyalty

Something big has happened in my country, the Philippines, recently. The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court was impeached. I am watching some portions of the impeachment trial through YouTube postings.
I am quite perplexed by the comments of some people on the YouTube videos. One that has really caught my attention was this "I will never forget you CJ. If I can only do something to help you, to defend you. You have been a great help to me. Whoever I am today, I owe it to you a great deal because you have let me pass your course." (my translation)
It's very worrying because it betrays a misplaced loyalty, a wrong hierarchy of values. I mean, you are grateful forever to a person who has allowed you to pass his course? Is it an indirect admission that you were not worthy to pass, that it was a passing mark for something else rather than a good work done?
It is really worrying because how can a society function well if we have our values turned upside down? I mean, you want to let a person go scott free, without weighing the facts of his guilt or innocence, just because he gave you a favor? I mean, this is very, very disturbing.
I guess this is just a reflection of what happens in society in general. Misplaced loyalties blind us, making us unwilling to see the truth. And I believe that at the root of our misplaced loyalties is our self-centredness. The criterion is no longer the truth, but the utility of something or someone to my own good. In the end, my loyalty is really to myself.
We need a strong and stable centre. We need something or someone that goes beyond our self-interests. We need something or someone that goes beyond our vacillating self.
Lord, help us to see.

On the pains of growing

There are no shortcuts to growth. And there are no proxies, either.

The question

In front of success or failure, happiness or sorrow ask yourself, "Will this be a big deal to me at the end of my life?" This will help you to know what to hold on to and what to let go of.

Biggest mistakes

The two biggest mistakes:
To make yourself the center of the world;
To make people the compass of your life.

The wine of our lives

Today is the feast of Mary Help of Christians. It is also the anniversary of my religious profession. I've been a nun for twenty years. Wow.
Looking back I can say that it hasn't been a flatline journey, as any life's journey is. There are the highs and the lows. There were mountains to climb and depths to be probed. There were temptations to change course whenever I saw that the grass was greener on other paths.
Despite my best intentions, life wasn't always 100 percent okay. There were failures, but successes too. The failures hurt, but the hurt passed too. Strangely enough, even the successes didn't give me a lasting euphoria.
Today's Gospel was about the wedding in Cana, where Mary interceded to Jesus on behalf of the newlyweds who didn't have enough wine to celebrate their wedding. At first Jesus seemed uninterested, falling short of saying that it was none of his business. But the Mother had the upperhand. "Do whatever Jesus tells you", she tells the servants. Jesus tells them to fill the jars with water and bring them to the head waiter  for testing. And lo and behold, what the waiter tasted was high quality wine, even better than the earlier servings.
In life we tend to do everything we can, we invest all our resources when we believe in something. After all, that is what our society tells us: do your best because nobody will stand up for you. And so we enter into the lie that if we just do our best our success will be tastier. And we see people running around like morons, doing great things and doing them just because they want to be successful, to be the best. And with all the good that we do, even with the praise that the world heaps on us, we cannot fool ourselves and we know, we just know when we are exhausted, when things, when life itself doesn't make sense anymore.
We've done our best, we've exhausted our options. We have tried to follow the world's creed: Be the best. Help yourself because no one is going to stand up for you.
We are at the end of our ropes. And as a line in one of my favorite Kids' praise songs says: "The Lord reminds us once again, in me you'll find your hope."
Jesus doesn't really solve our problems for us. But He gives us perspective, meaning, energy, motivation, strength, etc. I guess He can never be everything for us as long as we still hold on to something. The moment He becomes our only Lord, the sole master of our lives, even the little that we give like "filling up the jars with water" can produce the wine of rejoicing.

To forgive

To forgive is to let God take over in settling my affairs.
To forgive is to consign my life in God's hands.
To forgive is to trust that God's project infinitely surpasses my best laid plans.
To forgive is to leave me open to possibilities I haven't imagined.
To forgive is to open my heart again.
To forgive is to embrace the world's imperfect beauty.
To forgive is to let the grace of God water my dry and arid heart.
To forgive is to believe in the miracle of life.
To forgive is to trust that the human person is, indeed, the image and likeness of God.
To forgive is to set myself free.
To forgive is to be born again.

The only thing necessary

I had the privilege of watching the new film on Mother Mazzarello entitled "Main. La casa della felicità" (Main. The house of joy). It is a very beautiful film, excellently done in many aspects.
Watching the film on the last day of my retreat in Mornese (the birthplace of Main or Mother Maria Domenica Mazzarello, our co-foundress, and the birthplace, too, of our Congregation "Daughters of Mary Help of Christians"), as I prepare for the 20th anniversary of my religious profession, I was just overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions: gratitude, admiration, respect, love, and, most especially, a great desire to be worthy to call St. Mary Domenica Mazzarello  as my mother.
Mother Mazzarello has discovered the love that surpasses all loves.
She has discovered the love that is the inexhaustible source of our capacity to love.
She has discovered the love that makes it possible to love to the full, without ifs and buts.
Mother Mazzarello's great desire was that her daughters may know that this Love has a name. This Love is a Person, Jesus Christ.
A talk I've once heard comes to my mind right now: When you pray, don't ask for the crumbs. Go to the heights. Ask for God Himself, because He is very much willing to give Himself to those who ask for Him.

Jesus, give me Yourself.
Grant that I may love You for Your own sake, not for the blessings or benefits that You give me.
May all people come to love You and let their lives be transformed by Your love. Amen.

Just forgive

I have already forgiven this person in my heart many times, but when she actually said the words, they still brought tears to my eyes. I just wasn't prepared for this miracle.
As my tears continued to fall, the past just came back to me... the roller coaster ride from euphoria to rejection, from the certainty of finding a once in a lifetime treasure to trying to shield myself from further humiliation.
I felt like I was reconnecting with the person I used to be, the person that I have lost.
It was one of those rare times when I know that something is happening within me but I cannot find the words to describe it.
I still cannot.
But I forgive. I forgive with all my heart.
The experience wasn't something I would wish for anybody. It was terrible. It almost broke my body and my spirit. But still, I survived.
They say that when you forgive, the person who benefits most is yourself.
But I forgive not because I want to benefit from it.
Why do I forgive? Perhaps I have a variety of reasons but I cannot remember them all now, nor can I make a logical connection among those reasons.
I just forgive.
My heart tells me that it is the thing to do. My heart tells me that I am ready for it.
I have paid my experience my due. I didn't sweep it under a rug. I have let the hurt penetrate my whole being, I didn't escape.
A lot has changed in me, for the better, I hope.
And I owe it to this experience that has almost crushed me.
So as I forgive, I acknowledge the miracle of grace in my life.
I would not have been able to do it without God, the friend who never fails.

The paradox

This is the paradox: It is only when we have nothing that God can be our everything. But we have to make the choice.

Easter for you

It is Easter, if in your heart you have more gratitude than regrets.

The eyes who see Christ

Dear Pope Benedict,
When you were elected Pope, I felt a lot of tenderness in my heart. I knew that many people weren't too happy about it. Your election was preceded by a lot of prejudices. And of course it is no small thing to be the successor of the great Pope John Paul II.
I have been accompanying you with my prayers everyday, asking God to give you the strength to carry such a difficult mission. Yours must be a lonely life. I remember that in one of the meetings you had with young people somebody asked you if you feel lonely. In your simplicity you answered that question and it brought tears to my eyes and a great hope in my heart.
As I follow your messages, your writings, your speeches, your answers to questions, more and more I become fascinated with your person. More and more I am convinced that God gives us the right shepherd at the right time.
I admire the clarity of your thought, how you are able to communicate with the widest range of people: children, youth, adults, intellectuals, etc.
I admire your meekness and gentleness. You say that truth doesn't need to be imposed on anyone because it has a force of its own.
You convey your principles, the truths you believe in, not through the brilliance and eloquence of your speech, but through the calmness that your words and your gestures transmit. No grandstanding, as if you are always aware that your presence should point to The Presence.
Your eyes communicate the transparency of your soul. Just looking at your eyes gives me a sense of peace.
Most of all, thank you for reminding us, repeatedly, that faith is an encounter with a Person, nay, it is an encounter with The Person of the One who has always loved us. That was your first message. That is your constant message: "There is nothing more beautiful than to be surprised by the Gospel, by the encounter with Christ. There is nothing more beautiful than to know Him and to speak to others of our friendship with Him."
And you do just that, Pope Benedict.
Thank you for sharing with us your friendship with Jesus Christ and for reminding us that it is the most exciting adventure of our life.
God bless you, Pope Benedict XVI!

Easter

The joy on our faces and in our gait, the gentleness in our speech and the hope with which we face even the biggest adversities: These are the best proofs that Jesus Christ is Risen!

Jesus, King

As I look at you, Jesus, on the cross, with that red cloth as background and surrounded by three red candles, what comes to my mind is your royalty. Funny, but it's true. Before your disfigured body, I am reminded that you are king. Red is the color of royalty. You yourself confirmed to Pilate that You are a king, but your kingdom is not of this world.
At the last supper, after you have washed your disciples' feet, you reminded them that to lead is to serve. If you, the master, have washed their feet, they should wash each other's feet.
You said that your kingdom is not of this world. It really seems so. Perhaps that is why we still cannot grasp it. We easily repeat the expression "to lead is to serve". We can use it as a slogan. We can make a theological-psychological-sociological explanation of it. Yet, very few of us are willing to stake our lives for it.
It is easy to say "to lead is to serve" when it means doing "something" good to others or offering them something. In fact, acts like this give me a certain "high". But afterwards, I'll go back to my own world, with its comforts and securities. Maybe some time again I will go back to "serve" these less fortunate.
But is this really what you mean? That I live with a certain air of superiority? I might be physically close to my "neighbor", yet my heart may be totally distant! I - they, and the distance can never be crossed.
And what if these "less fortunate" refuse my help, misjudge my deeds or totally reject me? Do I still persist in doing good? Do I allow their reactions make me review my actions and admit that grain of self-interest that is present in them?
On the cross, Jesus, yours was a marred and disfigured body, with no outward look to attract people. Totally broken and spent, You must have been quite a sight! But it was precisely then that the centurion exclaimed, "Indeed, this is the son of God!".
It is not by a show of force and grandeur, as the spectators of the crucifixion urged you, that you showed your lordship. Nay, it is in the dignity with which you bore the most cruel treatment, up to the end, that you showed that you are a king.
Yes, it is indeed a kingship that is not of this world.

Mystery

We don't define mystery; mystery defines us.

Good Friday

Today even nature is still, as if in contemplation of a love so foolish, that so utterly defies human logic, as God reveals to us in the marred body of Jesus Christ.

In the company of true friends

Yesterday's Gospel was about the anointing of Jesus in Bethany. There, in the company of His true friends Lazarus, Martha and Mary, Jesus had a little respite at the time in His life when He most felt the reality of His impending suffering and death.
Each person has to carry his own cross. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. Even those who love us most or who are willing to give their own lives for us cannot take suffering away from us, no matter how they try.
But true friends are like shafts of light in the darkest night. They don't take away the darkness, but they assure us that it is not all dark. There is light.
They give us the courage to take that difficult leap because it is important if we want to find the meaning of our lives.

When God turns your plans upside-down

Today is the feast of the Annunciation of the birth of Our Lord. It is also known as the feast of Mary’s yes to be the mother of the “Son of the Most High”.

Gabriel’s news must have taken the young maiden Mary by surprise. It was totally out of the everyday experience of anybody, least of all a teen-ager, that it must have scared her. But I like it that Mary had poise and presence of mind and engaged Gabriel in a serious dialogue.

However, in life we have to make choices. We cannot remain forever in a status of dialogue and reflection. We have to arrive at a “therefore”. And Mary proves that, indeed, she is a mature woman.

I don’t know when was the exact time that Mary has made up her mind to say yes to God’s plan. But I have a hunch, I think it was when Gabriel said, “nothing is impossible to God” because immediately after this, Mary says her yes, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.”

We, too, have our own "annunciation" moments when our best laid plans seem to turn upside-down. We have a choice. We can either cry over the "what has been", or we can embrace the "what can be". The choice is ours to make. The choice depends on whether we believe in the God who writes straight with crooked lines.

In the suffering face of Jesus

Moments of suffering, pain and solitude come in every person's life. Most of the time they come unexpectedly, without asking permission.
When they come so strongly that they seem to tear your heart and soul apart, you find that all your long-held securities and convictions are like ashes in your mouth. They cannot make the pain go away. In fact, they seem to taunt you of your naivete in your views about life, about people.
When experiences like this happen, the greatest tendency is to turn inward. So you appraise your values and convictions. You appraise and reappraise, and the more you do so, the more confused you become.
It is like a cyclone that sucks you.
I don't say that turning inward is not good. In fact, it is necessary if we want to pass from adolescence to adulthood. But there comes a time that we have to look up to someone who can help us make sense of this experience.
We Christians are very fortunate because our God has a face - Jesus. In the suffering face of Jesus we see that pain, sorrow, rejection are all very real, but they don't have the last voice.
Suffering can either make me bitter or better.
Suffering is the school that transforms me into the image and likeness of God ...
but I have to make the choice to let it be so.

Singing my prayer

Yesterday I went to a Filipino Mass. It's been a long time since I've participated in a Filipino Mass and after yesterday's experience, I must say that I miss it.
We have so many beautiful liturgical songs in English, in our own national language and in our dialects. And it is really different when I pray in Filipino. The words of the songs are not the normal words we use in everyday conversations. The words of the songs just seem to express what is most profound in us. It's like having a glimpse of heaven and describing it in our own terms.
And our melodies are so sweet that they just make you forget for a while the struggles of life or you see them from the perspective of sweet chivalry of days past.
I am grateful for that experience. It was a special encounter with God that has touched my Filipino heart and soul.

Praying

Today's Gospel presents us once again Jesus' parable about the Pharisee and the tax collector who both came to the Temple to pray (Luke 18:9-14).
The Pharisee actually starts His prayer on the right tone but immediately goes awry. He begins by saying, "O God, I thank you". That is a very good thing. Prayer is a time to be grateful, to recognize that everything is God's grace.
But then immediately afterwards he goes on to say "... that I am not like the rest of humanity -greedy, dishonest, adulterous- or even like this tax collector ...". From being a prayer, his discourse turns to a self-righteous condemnation of the rest of the world.
On the other hand, we understand why the tax collector's prayer was pleasing to God: because of his acknowledgment of God as the Other one.
Prayer is placing ourselves before God, the Other one. Jesus taught us to call God our Father, but this doesn't take away the immense difference between us and God.
This difference shouldn't be a cause of despair or inferiority. Rather, it should lead to gratitude because, in reality, when we pray, it is God Himself who crosses the boundaries and distance between us.
It is gratitude and humility that enable me to see God's great act of crossing over.
Only grateful and humble people pray.

Virtue

It isn't virtue until it is put to the test.

Accounting

God is not an accountant. Ouch. I was an accountant, so I have a great respect and affection for accountants.
Anyway, the phrase "God is not an accountant" is part of a comment on today's Gospel where Jesus declares that He did not come to abolish the law but to bring it to fulfillment.
Accounting is the art of recording and classifying transactions for the purpose of preparing an adequate report which is called "financial statements". Oh, I've got to repeat here that I used to be an accountant but I haven't been on this field for more than ten years already and I am sure that there have been so many changes to date. What we used to call "financial statements" may be called by another name now.
Going back to today's Gospel comment, when it said that God isn't an accountant, it meant that God doesn't keep a ledger, an index card, or whatever record to "keep track of our progress" by jotting down as plus points the accomplishments and adherence to the law, or as minus points our transgressions. God isn't that small-hearted and trivial.
But there is another thing accountants do which I believe we can do well to imitate: they go deeper into facts, trying to analyze the different factors and their inter-relations...
Socrates put it this way: "The unexamined life is not worth living".

Made for the heights

Yesterday I read an article on how to resist temptation. It gave several practical tips culled from two biblical figures: Joseph (he of the technicolor robe) and Job. What has struck me most was one tip that says that we must remember our dignity as God's children, His image and likeness.
Of course, in life falling into sin is something normal. That is why Jesus exhorts us to be merciful. That is why Jesus talks to us about sick people needing doctors. That is why Jesus narrated the stories of the lost sheep, the lost coin, the lost son. That is why we have the sacrament of Confession.
But I believe that it would do us well to focus on this positive thing: We are not chicken meant to pick on food that we find on the ground. We are eagles. We are meant for the heights. I guess this is one secret the saints have discovered and have staked their lives on.
We are meant for the stars, not the heights of fame, success and fortune.
We are meant for God, all the rest are passing. After all, holiness is not about our perfection. It's all about turning my life towards God.

Principles

To decide based on expediency and practicality is a short cut to self-destruction.

Kind words

Kind words spring from a peaceful heart.

Our prayers are a reflection of ourselves

After vespers today one of the Sisters told me that she doesn't understand the concluding prayer. It is in Italian and it says something about asking God to look kindly on our questions, and so on and so forth. I thought she was joking but then when I looked at her again she was really serious. What are the questions that we are asking God to answer?
I will not attempt to answer. But her questioning led me to another thought. In that same concluding prayer we are asking God to look "kindly". But He is a God of kindness, so surely there is no need to remind Him about that!
I remember that when I was a student I had a theology professor who always scrutinized our spontaneous prayers. He always found fault on one or two expressions, saying that it's vague and it doesn't make sense, or that it is redundant, etc. In the end we were almost afraid to formulate spontaneous prayers since we didn't want them to be massacred.
I may sound heretic but I guess that when we pray, it is really an expression of ourselves. Let's get back to that example earlier asking God to look kindly. It is a reminder to me that God is a kind God, that whatever be His response to my prayer, it doesn't diminish His kindness.
More than revealing God to us, prayer reveals us to ourselves.
Is God jealous? I don't think so because I also believe that God is happier when we become true to ourselves because it is in this authenticity that we finally find Him.

Bread for the day

Today's Gospel reading is on the "Our Father", the prayer Jesus Himself taught us.
It is such a short prayer but it gives us an idea of who God is and of who the human person is.
God is Father. His desire is to bring His Kingdom into this world and it is an altogether different kingdom from what we are familiar with.
The human person is a creature. Despite our advances in almost all areas, our first act of contact with this world is a pure gift: God's desire that made us come into being. And our lives are always beyond us. We cannot decree when we will get sick or when we will get well. We know that we will die but we don't know how or when or where.
I don't want to sound morbid. This is just to remind me that I am always in God's hands, dependent on Him. For many, it may be a big issue and they may even read there a psychological disorder. But I am not disturbed, because in life we are really inter-related.
This God is so infinitely creative that what we consider as dirt would be a masterpiece for Him; what we think is a terrible misfortune could be a providential experience.
The more I become convinced that God is my Father, the more it will be possible for me to be happy with what I have for the moment. I will not desire for more, nor will I be tied to what I have.
I know that God provides me with my bread for the day, and that is enough for me.

Growing up

To grow up means to pass from needing what you want to wanting what you need.

Growth

For every experience, there is always something to learn. Sometimes it takes time and a lot of tears. But if we are open to God, the heart just stops resisting and we learn the lesson at the right time.

Signs

The thing to say is not "Lord, give me a sign", but "Lord, help me to read your signs".

"What you have received and attained is your present share"

"A thirsty man is happy when he is drinking, and he is not depressed because he cannot exhaust the spring. So let this spring quench your thirst, and not your thirst the spring. For if you can satisfy your thirst without exhausting the spring, then when you thirst again you can drink from it once more; but if when your thirst is sated the spring is also dried up, then your victory would turn to your own harm.
Be thankful then for what you have received, and do not be saddened at all that such an abundance still remains. What you have received and attained is your present share, while what is left will be your heritage."

Saint Ephrem

My life is a lot simplified when I am content with what I have at the present moment because, in reality, I have what I need to live this present moment well. My present moment could be a moment of fear, of doubt, of sadness, of solitude, of sickness, of contentment, of peace; no matter what it is, I have what I need to live it.
One of my realizations in life is that, by instinct, we human beings want to horde, to accumulate, to "save for the rainy day", to "invest". We are like that fool in the Gospel who, after accumulating so many treasures says to himself "now I can just relax and enjoy my life". But he doesn't even live the next day to enjoy what he has accumulated.
I have often wondered how come people want to have so many houses, so many cars and so much cash, etc. It's like our wish list just gets longer and longer. What will we do with so many houses and cars? I don't know. But one thing I have discovered is this: it is like a vertiginous spin that will just suck you.
So I need to be aware. To be aware means to live this moment and to be grateful that I have what I need for today. Paraphrasing Saint Ephrem, I will be happy that I can satiate my thirst from the spring. I will not desire to exhaust the spring because what is left is still my heritage.

Out of tune

One thing that really irritates me a lot is when one is out of tune, whether an out of tune voice or an out of tune musical element. I am basically a calm person but this is really my Achilles' heel.
These days I have to exercise a lot of concentration and self-discipline so as to keep my impatience in check. There are sisters who seem to be clueless that they are out of tune. Worse is when it is the accompaniment itself that is out of tune.
But our accompanist manages to get back to the music, so eventually we end at the right note.
It makes me think of God. I am sure that in His musical score, every note, every silence, every rhythm has its reason and contributes to the whole melody. Often, though, we go astray, wanting to sing our own tune even if it is out of sync. And God respects our choice.
So we make mistakes, big or small. We go astray, in one or more measures.
But nothing is really wasted because if we are truthful and humble enough, our mistakes give us a lot of lessons.
And eventually we find our way back to the musical score.
And we go through the same journey again, and again, and again ...
That is life.

Magic

Today was my turn to get up early and open the gates. As I was opening the windows, a beautiful surprise awaited me: the whole view ahead of me was white. I felt like I was in wonderland, or in front of a life-size Christmas card.
When it snowed yesterday, I didn't think it would last. I have been here in Rome for eleven years already and it is only the third time that it snowed. But this one is different. It has already lasted for hours.
As I was looking at the sky, I was mesmerized by the color, the silence, the cool and pure air. It is my first time to have this experience and the only word I can use to describe it is: MAGIC.
It is so new that I wanted to capture it and perhaps hold on to it longer. I wanted to run and get my camera. But then I realized that the best thing I can do in order to capture the moment is to be there and just let it sink through me. So I stayed out in the cold, closing my eyes for a time so I can just feel the cold air caressing my body, then just staring at the sky, immaculate white with the snowflakes that still continued to fall.
I don't have a photo that captured that moment, but I delighted in that moment. I don't need to hold on to that moment through a photo.
I realize, as I go through life, that having a photo doesn't prolong the experience. It may make me remember that an important experience has happened, but that's all there is to it.
So I will honor my experiences by being totally present in them. Then I will let them go, knowing that I will always have other experiences that will enrich me. They will come at the proper time. That is life's magic.