On the pains of growing

There are no shortcuts to growth. And there are no proxies, either.

The question

In front of success or failure, happiness or sorrow ask yourself, "Will this be a big deal to me at the end of my life?" This will help you to know what to hold on to and what to let go of.

Biggest mistakes

The two biggest mistakes:
To make yourself the center of the world;
To make people the compass of your life.

The wine of our lives

Today is the feast of Mary Help of Christians. It is also the anniversary of my religious profession. I've been a nun for twenty years. Wow.
Looking back I can say that it hasn't been a flatline journey, as any life's journey is. There are the highs and the lows. There were mountains to climb and depths to be probed. There were temptations to change course whenever I saw that the grass was greener on other paths.
Despite my best intentions, life wasn't always 100 percent okay. There were failures, but successes too. The failures hurt, but the hurt passed too. Strangely enough, even the successes didn't give me a lasting euphoria.
Today's Gospel was about the wedding in Cana, where Mary interceded to Jesus on behalf of the newlyweds who didn't have enough wine to celebrate their wedding. At first Jesus seemed uninterested, falling short of saying that it was none of his business. But the Mother had the upperhand. "Do whatever Jesus tells you", she tells the servants. Jesus tells them to fill the jars with water and bring them to the head waiter  for testing. And lo and behold, what the waiter tasted was high quality wine, even better than the earlier servings.
In life we tend to do everything we can, we invest all our resources when we believe in something. After all, that is what our society tells us: do your best because nobody will stand up for you. And so we enter into the lie that if we just do our best our success will be tastier. And we see people running around like morons, doing great things and doing them just because they want to be successful, to be the best. And with all the good that we do, even with the praise that the world heaps on us, we cannot fool ourselves and we know, we just know when we are exhausted, when things, when life itself doesn't make sense anymore.
We've done our best, we've exhausted our options. We have tried to follow the world's creed: Be the best. Help yourself because no one is going to stand up for you.
We are at the end of our ropes. And as a line in one of my favorite Kids' praise songs says: "The Lord reminds us once again, in me you'll find your hope."
Jesus doesn't really solve our problems for us. But He gives us perspective, meaning, energy, motivation, strength, etc. I guess He can never be everything for us as long as we still hold on to something. The moment He becomes our only Lord, the sole master of our lives, even the little that we give like "filling up the jars with water" can produce the wine of rejoicing.

To forgive

To forgive is to let God take over in settling my affairs.
To forgive is to consign my life in God's hands.
To forgive is to trust that God's project infinitely surpasses my best laid plans.
To forgive is to leave me open to possibilities I haven't imagined.
To forgive is to open my heart again.
To forgive is to embrace the world's imperfect beauty.
To forgive is to let the grace of God water my dry and arid heart.
To forgive is to believe in the miracle of life.
To forgive is to trust that the human person is, indeed, the image and likeness of God.
To forgive is to set myself free.
To forgive is to be born again.

The only thing necessary

I had the privilege of watching the new film on Mother Mazzarello entitled "Main. La casa della felicità" (Main. The house of joy). It is a very beautiful film, excellently done in many aspects.
Watching the film on the last day of my retreat in Mornese (the birthplace of Main or Mother Maria Domenica Mazzarello, our co-foundress, and the birthplace, too, of our Congregation "Daughters of Mary Help of Christians"), as I prepare for the 20th anniversary of my religious profession, I was just overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions: gratitude, admiration, respect, love, and, most especially, a great desire to be worthy to call St. Mary Domenica Mazzarello  as my mother.
Mother Mazzarello has discovered the love that surpasses all loves.
She has discovered the love that is the inexhaustible source of our capacity to love.
She has discovered the love that makes it possible to love to the full, without ifs and buts.
Mother Mazzarello's great desire was that her daughters may know that this Love has a name. This Love is a Person, Jesus Christ.
A talk I've once heard comes to my mind right now: When you pray, don't ask for the crumbs. Go to the heights. Ask for God Himself, because He is very much willing to give Himself to those who ask for Him.

Jesus, give me Yourself.
Grant that I may love You for Your own sake, not for the blessings or benefits that You give me.
May all people come to love You and let their lives be transformed by Your love. Amen.

Just forgive

I have already forgiven this person in my heart many times, but when she actually said the words, they still brought tears to my eyes. I just wasn't prepared for this miracle.
As my tears continued to fall, the past just came back to me... the roller coaster ride from euphoria to rejection, from the certainty of finding a once in a lifetime treasure to trying to shield myself from further humiliation.
I felt like I was reconnecting with the person I used to be, the person that I have lost.
It was one of those rare times when I know that something is happening within me but I cannot find the words to describe it.
I still cannot.
But I forgive. I forgive with all my heart.
The experience wasn't something I would wish for anybody. It was terrible. It almost broke my body and my spirit. But still, I survived.
They say that when you forgive, the person who benefits most is yourself.
But I forgive not because I want to benefit from it.
Why do I forgive? Perhaps I have a variety of reasons but I cannot remember them all now, nor can I make a logical connection among those reasons.
I just forgive.
My heart tells me that it is the thing to do. My heart tells me that I am ready for it.
I have paid my experience my due. I didn't sweep it under a rug. I have let the hurt penetrate my whole being, I didn't escape.
A lot has changed in me, for the better, I hope.
And I owe it to this experience that has almost crushed me.
So as I forgive, I acknowledge the miracle of grace in my life.
I would not have been able to do it without God, the friend who never fails.