Look to Jesus

The death of Jesus shows us His complete solidarity with the human race. He didn't only take on our humanity; nay, he took it to the extreme, sharing the lot reserved only to the worst criminals - death on a cross.
Contemplating Jesus on the cross makes me realize how no one, absolutely no one, is excluded from God's mercy.
By Jesus' wounds we are healed, healed of shame, of despair, of meaninglessness.
Look up to Jesus, and in that disfigured man on the cross, see your Savior.

Bargaining with God

Why, O Abraham, did you stop bargaining with God when you arrived at ten righteous people? Sodom and Gomorrah could have been spared even if there was not even one righteous person. You see, God's mercy has no limits!
But then, of course, you belonged to the Old Testament. You didn't know the wonderful truth about God: His mercy is everlasting.
When we look at Jesus on the cross, we realize that no one and nothing can be outside God's mercy.

The cross

Looking at the cross, Jesus seems to tell me:
   I did this for you,
   but I did this for them, too,
   so that you may learn to love
   whether they deserve it or not.

The price of growing up

Our personal journey is mysterious and we cannot compare ours with another's, nor have easy recipes or prescriptions. There are common elements, but each one of us must grope in the dark. We make our journey and pay for it with our own blood, sweat and tears. This is the price of growth, and growth is a sign of life.

My own take on why Jesus chose to die on the cross

I really feel uncomfortable with the phrase "through the cross Jesus won pardon for our sins" because it seems to show a tyrannical God whose wrath has to be appeased in such a violent way.
Rather I'd like to believe that the cross shows to us the extent to which God loves us.
With Jesus assuming the lowest of conditions a human being can ever reach, the shameful death on the cross, God shows us that there is no sin that is unpardonable, that everything and all time are included in God's big embrace.

Brave women

Jesus' mother, Mary, Mary the wife of Clopas, Mary of Magdala, Veronica, the unnamed women of Jerusalem... Yes, these women will forever be honored whenever we commemorate the passion and death of Jesus.
In the midst of chaos, of the unthinking mob, of cowardice, of the perversion of truth, these women walked with Jesus and stayed with Him at the foot of the cross.
These brave women show that there is a spark of courage in the human spirit.
Even in the darkest moments of passion-gone-berserk, there is in each one of us the capacity to be compassionate in a suffering fellow human being.
It is the truest truth of who we are.

That which makes you suffer

That which makes you suffer can make you grow.
In last Thursday's Gospel Jesus clearly says that whoever wishes to follow Him must take up one's cross. Yes, not any cross but "the" cross that is ours.
One thing I know about the cross is that it makes us suffer. It doesn't give us a fuzzy, cozy, comfy feeling; so we'd rather say, "no, thanks."
Another thing I know about the cross is, we don't choose it. Otherwise, we could so easily change plans.
There are normal everyday crosses of life which are the little disturbances and inconveniences.
There are also the big crosses that sign a certain call to conversion. They don't come often. In fact, they come when we least expect them.
But in whatever form the cross comes, as a follower of Jesus, I am not to run away. it is my way, the only way to grow.
As St. Paul said, "the cross is the wisdom of God."

The road to glory

"And it happened that, as Jesus was praying, the aspect of his face was changed and his clothing became sparkling white. And suddenly there were two men talking to him; they were Moses and Elijah appearing in glory, and they were speaking of his passing which he was to accomplish in Jerusalem." (Luke 9:29-31)

The only way to glory is to follow the way of the cross.
The great lie of our age is to think that we can live meaningful lives without going through difficulties, that the most clever people are those who succeed with little price to pay. So many people live forever, or almost forever, trying to evade suffering or to cushion themselves from the blows of life.
But that wouldn't do. Somehow, life will deal you a blow, one way or another.
And here is where our attitude towards suffering enters.
To forever evade suffering is to refuse to grow up. It is to never discover the depths of strength, hope and creativity that we have in us.
When we face suffering head on, with our bruised egos and tear-stained faces, but with the certainty that we are not alone, we discover that glory is not something that is from the outside. Glory is within us and it takes suffering, the cross to let it shine.

The cross is part of a Christian's life

Pope Francis gave a very spontaneous homily yesterday when he celebrated Holy Mass with the Cardinals at the Sistine Chapel. They say that what comes out spontaneously from our mouths express what is in the heart, or what we truly hold dear. In this homily Pope Francis reminds us that we cannot be Christians without the cross. He said his homily in Italian and this is my translation of the part where he speaks about the cross:
"This Gospel continues with a special situation. Peter who has just confessed Jesus as the Christ now tells him: You are Christ, the Son of the living God. I will follow you, but let us not talk about the cross. That talk doesn't fit in here. I will follow you wherever, but without the cross.
When we walk without the Cross, when we build anything but without the Cross, and when we confess a Christ without the Cross, we are not disciples of the Lord: we are worldly, we may be Bishops, priests, Cardinals, Popes, but not disciples of the Lord."

Well said, Pope Francis.
So when we do not encounter contradictions and sufferings in life, let us be worried because we might not be following the true God.

I will go to my father

Yes, four years ago what happened to the prodigal son happened to me. I have squandered my life. I didn't go into drugs or anything of that sort. But I did things for many wrong reasons.
Then something happened, the most hurting experience I have ever had in my life. What made it worse was I was alone to do the battle. Had it been something ordinary like an illness or a death in the family, I would have certainly received the comfort and assistance of a lot of people. Instead it was something that I could not even share with anybody out of fear that I would be misunderstood and condemned.
So I went through my days pretending that everything was okay. In fact, it seemed like nobody even noticed anything different. Except for a few. And when I say few they were really so few I can count them in one hand. Yet even to them, I cannot say anything. How can I say anything when I cannot even figure out what was happening in my life?
My situation continued for a few more months.
Then somehow I found a person to whom I could confide. I know that it was not by chance that this person has entered my life. She was God-sent. She seemed to remind me with her presence and her patience that although my pain was very real, my place was not there "with the pigs". But she did stay with me even as I continued to stay in that uncomfortable place. I knew that was not my place but I just felt so powerless to leave.
And so I stayed there for over a year: knowing in my head what I had to do, yet too powerless to do it. Sleepless nights were a common occurrence. Crying too, for no reason at all. My prayers became more frequent but only because I had to hold on to something or I will break. God became so true to me because of desperation. Yes, I had all the signs of depression.
Then somehow, this is the miracle, one day I just woke up with a feeling that that day was going to be the start of a new phase in my life.
I cannot explain it, but it did happen. My situation remained the same but somehow, each morning I woke up there was a little bit more hope and enthusiasm, and, little by little, I found my smile back.
I am now in a good place. I live every day with gratitude and trust. It is true what Pope Benedict XVI said, "If only everyone could experience the joy of being Christian, being loved by God who gave his Son for us!". Yes, even when we go back to God for all the wrong reasons, somehow like the prodigal son's father, they don't matter to him. What matters is we're back. He brings out the best robe and clothes; restores our dignity and organizes a feast for us.
Believing in the love of God hasn't exempted me from suffering and from doubts. But they no longer frighten me. I know that I am not alone. I am beloved. My God and I are one.

Jesus, King

As I look at you, Jesus, on the cross, with that red cloth as background and surrounded by three red candles, what comes to my mind is your royalty. Funny, but it's true. Before your disfigured body, I am reminded that you are king. Red is the color of royalty. You yourself confirmed to Pilate that You are a king, but your kingdom is not of this world.
At the last supper, after you have washed your disciples' feet, you reminded them that to lead is to serve. If you, the master, have washed their feet, they should wash each other's feet.
You said that your kingdom is not of this world. It really seems so. Perhaps that is why we still cannot grasp it. We easily repeat the expression "to lead is to serve". We can use it as a slogan. We can make a theological-psychological-sociological explanation of it. Yet, very few of us are willing to stake our lives for it.
It is easy to say "to lead is to serve" when it means doing "something" good to others or offering them something. In fact, acts like this give me a certain "high". But afterwards, I'll go back to my own world, with its comforts and securities. Maybe some time again I will go back to "serve" these less fortunate.
But is this really what you mean? That I live with a certain air of superiority? I might be physically close to my "neighbor", yet my heart may be totally distant! I - they, and the distance can never be crossed.
And what if these "less fortunate" refuse my help, misjudge my deeds or totally reject me? Do I still persist in doing good? Do I allow their reactions make me review my actions and admit that grain of self-interest that is present in them?
On the cross, Jesus, yours was a marred and disfigured body, with no outward look to attract people. Totally broken and spent, You must have been quite a sight! But it was precisely then that the centurion exclaimed, "Indeed, this is the son of God!".
It is not by a show of force and grandeur, as the spectators of the crucifixion urged you, that you showed your lordship. Nay, it is in the dignity with which you bore the most cruel treatment, up to the end, that you showed that you are a king.
Yes, it is indeed a kingship that is not of this world.

Crucified

My profession group chose as its motto "it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me" (cf. Gal 2:20). Beautiful, and indeed, a true programme of life.
I have been a professed nun for almost 19 years already, and I should say, that the road towards that programme isn't exactly what I have bargained for. Of course when we were novices (the immediate years of preparation for profession), we were told about the demands of the religious life, that it is not an easy life, as if any life is easy. To get back to the point, that ideal of dedicating my whole life to Jesus was so overwhelming that "I didn't read thoroughly through the whole contract".
Do I regret making this commitment, and making it for life? Not for a second, despite the fact that life hasn't been smooth, especially these years.
Today, as I was making my monthly retreat, I re-read again this motto of ours, and realized that I've missed the first part: I have been crucified with Christ. That is the pre-requisite to living in Christ. I cannot arrive at saying that it is Christ who lives in me, unless I accept to be crucified with Him.
And this is what I have been experiencing these past months. Despite the sufferings, the misunderstandings, the rejection, the failed projects, I am able to be kind, to reach out, to give a helping hand, to take part in community life, to pray. So I can really say that it is not me but Jesus.
All saints pass through the dark night, the aridity, the persecution and misunderstanding of people, the seeming absence of God, yet they persevered. That is why they are saints.
My problem is, my sufferings are most of all because of my character, my sensibility, or they are consequences of certain choices I've made in the past. It is like, it is I myself who have crucified me. Do I make sense?
But the cross is so very real, and I am there, crucified, immobile, without any capacity to leave it, after all how can I negate my character, my sensibility, or the consequences of my past choices? Yes, I am crucified. It is not a comfortable place. I cannot deny it or spiritualize it because I feel the pain and the suffering in my flesh.
And it is in this crucifixion that I experience the tremendous presence of Jesus, even if many times I do not feel it. I mean, just the fact that I am still sane, I can still function, I can put my thoughts into this blog, well, they are signs of resilience, aren't they?
So, yes, it is not me who does all these. It is Jesus. He lives in me.

The joy of Jesus

I have come to realize that joy does not happen because everything is perfect. Things will never be perfect in this life, so if I wait for them to be before I expect joy, then I am in for a big and fatal disappointment.
Joy, true joy, comes from Jesus. He freely gives it to us but there is only one way to it, the royal road of the cross. However, Jesus also promised that this joy is lasting, that no one can ever take it away from us.
Early this morning I had a "sophia moment". Deep in my heart I heard the words, "Hide yourself in Jesus".
May I not want to be protagonist; rather, may I be happy when others are seen and I am set aside.
When what I do or who I am is not appreciated, then I should be happier because then, it is truly for God.
May I not have expectations from people; rather, may I always be grateful.

The miracle

It is the power of God that empowers me. It is the wisdom of God that indicates to me the way, though it be a lonely road. It is the peace of God that enables me to live through each moment, especially the lonely and painful ones, without despairing. It is the patience and the kindness of God that gives me the strength to graciously deal with difficult people and circumstances.
All throughout this long, difficult and enlightening experience, I have realized that I need to face my experience straight in the eye, to give it the attention that it deserves, to shed tears if need be, to admit my mistakes and my impure motivations. It is okay to ask "why" it happened, but this shouldn't be the last question.
In every experience, God speaks. In the most hurting experiences, He speaks louder. What lessons does this experience teach me? What direction will my life take after this?
And throughout this whole process, I recognize and I entrust myself to a Power that is far greater than me. This Power loves me. This Power is a Father, my Heavenly Father who created me out of love and who, daily, moment by moment, sustains me with His love.
I am not a lost soul condemned to forever go around begging for a little affection. I am a Daughter, a beloved daughter, and in the Father I have all the love that I need. I just have to see this miracle that happens every day of my life.

Be thankful for suffering

Give, give until it hurts. Only when it hurts do you give yourself.

Today's second reading of the Office of Readings is very enlightening in trying to make sense of suffering.

From the Moral Reflections on Job by Saint Gregory the Great, pope
The interior witness

Whoever is mocked by his friend, as I am, shall call upon God, and he shall hear him. A weak-minded person is frequently diverted toward pursuing exterior happiness when the breath of popular favor accompanies his good actions. So he gives up his own personal choices, preferring to remain at the mercy of whatever he hears from others. Thus, he rejoices not so much to become but to be called blessed. Eager for praise, he gives up what he had begun to be; and so he is severed from God by the very means by which he appeared to be commendable in God.

But sometimes a soul firmly strives for righteousness and yet is beset by men’s ridicule. He does what is admirable but he gets only mockery. He might have gone out of himself because of man’s praise; he returns to himself when repelled by their abuse. Finding no resting-place without, he cleaves more intensely to God within. All his hope is fixed on his Creator, and amid all the ridicule and abuse he invokes his interior witness alone. One who is afflicted in this way grows closer to God the more he turns away from human popularity. He straightway pours himself out in prayer, and, pressured from without, he is refined with a more perfect purity to penetrate what is within.

In this context, the words apply: Whoever is mocked by his friend, as I am, shall call upon God, and he shall hear him. For while the wicked reproach the just, they show them whom they should look to as the witness of their actions. Thus afflicted, the soul strengthens itself by prayer; it is united within to one who listens from on high precisely because it is cut off externally from the praise of men. Again, we should note how appropriately the words are inserted, as I am. There are some people who are both oppressed by human mockery and are yet deprived of God’s favorable hearing. For when the mockery is done to a man’s own sin, it obviously does not produce the merit that is due to virtue.

The simplicity of the just man is laughed to scorn. It is the wisdom of this world to conceal the heart with stratagems, to veil one’s thoughts with words, to make what is false appear true and what is true appear false. On the other hand it is the wisdom of the just never to pretend anything for show, always to use words to express one’s thoughts, to love the truth as it is and to avoid what is false, to do what is right without reward and to be more willing to put up with evil than to perpetrate it, not to seek revenge for wrong, and to consider as gain any insult for truth’s sake. But this guilelessness is laughed to scorn, for the virtue of innocence is held as foolishness by the wise of this world. Anything that is done out of innocence, they doubtless consider to be stupidity, and whatever truth approves of, in practice is called folly by their earthly wisdom.

Holy darkness

Our painful experiences make us persons of depth, give us wisdom, make us more compassionate, and expose the constant need we have of purification.
"Though Jesus' love seems like a raging storm, it is the love that saves." In time we will understand, or, when we don't understand, it's all the better because it helps us to realize that we need God.

Making peace with the unsolved Why

When they finally located Jesus, Mary did not understand what it meant. She was left to live with the mystery of what had taken place. Her child was found, but she did not comprehend why he had chosen to be hidden from her. She pondered this life experience, reflected upon it, turned it over in her heart again and again. Oftentimes parents do not understand, either why children do what they do, why they choose values radically opposed to their own, why they respond as they do. Many times parents do not know why life has dealt them such a blow in the daughter who is missing or son who has died.
Sometimes we cannot figure out, either, why we have lost some part of our self that we have cherished and have had to painstakingly recover. Even after we stand in the temple of our soul and say, “Ah, there you are! sometimes we still do not understand why our depression was so lengthy, why our spiritual energy waned into hopelessness, why our enthusiasm faded into lethargy. We may not know the answers for why things happened the way they did for many years, and perhaps we may never fully understand the “why.”
There are circumstances when no amount of talking, healing therapy, good books to read, quiet reflection, intense research, or other deliberate searching adequately solves the story of “why.” Sometimes we can sit for years inside the experience of losing a treasure and not have the satisfaction of knowing “why” it happened. We can grind and grind our rational teeth, trying to figure out what went wrong and the reason for it. We can spend our energy blaming ourselves or others for what took place, or we can forgive whoever and whatever caused our great search and then move on with our lives. There may always be a piece of mystery that is left to sit in our soul, to tug us from time to time and keep us humbled by our inability to sort it all out.
Like Mary who pondered what she had lost and found, we also need to stand in the middle of the mystery of our life and reflect upon the message it has for us. By reflecting on our experiences, we can learn from them. Instead of just going busily about our life, we can let our inner eye scan our lost and found event and see what the deeper message might be for us. Once we have paid full attention to our experience, with all its hurt and turmoil, there comes a time when we must put the matter to rest even if we do not understand why this happened to us.
When we have lost a treasure and are searching for its return, it is time to reenter the temple of our soul. We ought to go searching all alone. It is essential to call on God for guidance and direction. In our frantic, heartaching, panicky search for our treasure, we need a deep center of peace and harmony. This can be nearly impossible to feel when we are in the midst of a painful search. Yet, we must constantly give ourselves to divine peace, begging that we receive this peace so that we can search with a heart of love and trust.

Joyce Rupp

Carry the cross throughout the world

We are the reason

May these Holy days lead us to a deeper experience of the breadth, length, height and depth of God's love.
Why did Jesus not go down from the cross, despite the fact that He could have done so?
Because He knows that so many of us cannot go down from our crosses. So He stayed there, to be with us and to show us that He knows our sufferings, our weaknesses, our failures.
But it didn't end with the cross. He will rise again. And so shall we, too, if we carry our cross with Him.

Carrying the cross

The mere fact of carrying the cross is not what is important... Every people, every family has on its shoulders sorrows and burdens to bear. That which gives fullness of meaning to the cross is to carry it behind Jesus, not in a journey of anguished solitude, hopeless wandering or rebellion, but rather in a journey sustained and nourished by the presence of the Lord. (Fr. Thomas Rosica, CSB)