Never alone

 

On this last day of 2023, I pray that we may be grateful for its joys, humble for the victories, forgiving for the missed opportunities, and trusting that we are never alone as we face the coming year. God is with us. We are in God's hands. God shows his presence in different ways. It could be through persons, events, a sudden inspiration, or just a quiet presence in our heart that enables us to live one day at a time until we slowly discover that there is something, albeit small, to be joyful about.

Come as we are

To pray is to come to the Lord as we are; better yet, to pray is to realize that we  are always immersed in God's infinite ocean of mercy, that we don't need to be worried about cutting a good figure. What we need is a humble and trusting heart.
Humble, in accepting the awesome and breathtaking truth that we are loved by God as we are.
Trusting, in believing that God wants us to be happy.

Invisible to the eye

Life with God always calls us to transformation. We are always on a journey. We can never say that we "have arrived".
In this journey one thing that we commonly do is to make resolutions. We do it after our daily meditation, after a retreat, or after a deep experience. And this is not bad. But we shouldn't be content at this.
Jesus calls us to go deeper, to look at what we value the most, what it is that moves our thoughts, words and actions. Often this deeper motivation is hidden. It can even be sugar-coated or packaged in a way that we can no longer see it in its truth.
The spiritual journey is to see this truth - in its imperfection and its various contradictions. And this imperfection is okay. Jesus is merciful to the weak. It is the arrogance of the haughty that Jesus hates.

When ...

When I can see that everything is a gift, I become humble.
When I can understand that no one in his right mind deliberately chooses to do wrong, I can forgive.
When I realize that between the black and the white is a bigger shade of gray, I begin to understand.
When I remember that I am God's image and likeness, I learn to respect myself.
When I look up to the cross and see the way of Jesus, I can truly love, without ifs and buts.

I-don't-know

We say “I don’t know” for two reasons.

The first is when we really don’t know. Then it is followed by “I would want to know if it is possible” or “I would want to know if it is necessary for me”.

The second reason is when we want to save face. It’s like saying “I don’t know and I don’t really care”.

To know the difference is to be wise. To accept the difference is to be humble.

Among you this is not to happen

A young Filipino archbishop was very recently nominated cardinal. He is really a well-known and very charismatic person, that soon comments started to come out that he could be a future pope.
Of course this event comes as we Filipinos are still caught up in the euphoria of our second saint. These are both definitely high moments in the current bleak horizon of miserable poverty, violence, corruption and a laissez-faire lifestyle adopted by many. So I don't really blame people who harp on events like this since they sort of put us on the map in a positive way.
What actually puzzles me is when I hear it from "Church" people: priests, nuns, active lay persons.
It seems like this desire to put ourselves at the center, or far above than the other or with privileged positions, is too deeply rooted in the human person. It manifests itself in our comments, in our catchphrases.
What would Jesus say about this? I remember Jesus' words to his apostles in last Sunday's Gospel (Mark 10:35-45): "among you this is not to happen". Yes, Jesus calls us to be converted to His criteria. Saint Paul expresses it as "having the mind and the heart of Jesus".
When we serve, we don't look for titles. Roles are not important for us. What matters is to use the occasions of our everyday life to show the love of God, which we personally experience, through concrete acts of service.  When we serve, with the mind and the heart of Jesus, the good deed itself is already our reward.

Perspective

If you always think that your idea is the best, you have a vey poor perspective, indeed.

Praying

Today's Gospel presents us once again Jesus' parable about the Pharisee and the tax collector who both came to the Temple to pray (Luke 18:9-14).
The Pharisee actually starts His prayer on the right tone but immediately goes awry. He begins by saying, "O God, I thank you". That is a very good thing. Prayer is a time to be grateful, to recognize that everything is God's grace.
But then immediately afterwards he goes on to say "... that I am not like the rest of humanity -greedy, dishonest, adulterous- or even like this tax collector ...". From being a prayer, his discourse turns to a self-righteous condemnation of the rest of the world.
On the other hand, we understand why the tax collector's prayer was pleasing to God: because of his acknowledgment of God as the Other one.
Prayer is placing ourselves before God, the Other one. Jesus taught us to call God our Father, but this doesn't take away the immense difference between us and God.
This difference shouldn't be a cause of despair or inferiority. Rather, it should lead to gratitude because, in reality, when we pray, it is God Himself who crosses the boundaries and distance between us.
It is gratitude and humility that enable me to see God's great act of crossing over.
Only grateful and humble people pray.

Not in control

These days I am living in tension, that is, there are so many things in my mind and in my heart. When they surface, I don't have the time to face them because there are more pressing works to attend to. When I find time, I cannot recover the stirrings that have surfaced during my busy time; but subconsciously, I am not at ease because I know that there is something I have to attend to.
This situation has now become so normal and ordinary in my life. I don't know whether it is temporary, or whether I will be able to get back a little semblance of "serenity".
I admit that I am not in control of my life. The words "Lord, just let me live through this day", has become my mantra.
In a way, I find this expression very dry and bereft of creativity. It is like I am back to Level 1, that is, my life is just a fight for survival.
On the other hand, it could be an expression of an important lesson I have learned the hard way: Without God, I am nothing.

Mother

I dreamt of my mother the other night. In my dream, I was sick and had to be confined in my room. Then I just heard a commotion outside and somebody told me that they were bringing my mother somewhere because she needs to be away for some time for a much needed rest. I wanted to go out and to say goodbye to her but they wouldn't let me because I was sick. I shouted and I cried but they wouldn't let me. The last image I had was of seeing my mother from afar being accompanied outside. Then I woke up.
Today is my mother's tenth death anniversary. I can't believe it has been ten years. I still cannot believe that when I go home for my vacation she will not be there.
My mother died suddenly. She was not bedridden nor was she confined to a hospital. She had some medical problems, but just a month before her death, we were together for my brother's diaconal ordination.
In fact, the memories I have of my mother will always be that of a smiling woman, friendly, outgoing, always willing to lend a helping hand, forgiving and never keeping grudges. Her patience was really admirable.
I miss my mother so much. I am sure that just by being with her, I would be re-charged and renewed, in order to see life with optimism, to look at people with compassion, to deal with everyday mistakes with humility, and to have a great trust in God.
Somehow, I know that she is still with me. After all, a part of her is in me.
Thank you, nanay. I miss you. From heaven, continue to bless our family and fill our hearts with joy.

From the other side

I had lunch with two Sisters yesterday, one of whom is a very wise person. One of the topics of our conversation was the presence of some Sisters who are so attentive that their actions tend to exasperate the objects of their attention. She said that she believes that most of them really do what they do with goodness of heart. However, it is the exaggeration that tends to suffocate and turn people off.
Then we talked about her family and how, being the youngest, she had too much attention from everybody, that until now, during their family gatherings, she has to remind them that she is already a grown-up lady. It could be one reason why she detests this exaggerated attention.
I told her that I am grateful for this sharing. It enabled me to look at myself from another perspective. You see, I am one who tends to exaggerate. Being the eldest in the family, I had certain responsibilities. Perhaps, in many ways, I have conformed my way of thinking, speaking, behaving and doing things, to what is expected of an eldest. Being the eldest is one of the major factors that have influenced the shaping of my personality.
I am not making a judgment here. I just got this insight from this sharing of my Sister. I suddenly got a view of myself from the other side. Yes, it is possible that what I consider as small gestures of affection through which I want to show my love concretely, could be suffocating, controlling and smothering.
It is really important to listen and to take a step back. It is necessary to try, as much as possible, to be clear about my motivations. Others are entitled to their own interpretation and judgment. I should try to enter into dialogue, if possible, to arrive at the best possible clarification.
It is not an easy process. It necessitates great humility to see myself with sincerity, according to what is deep in my heart. It requires courage to look in the face and accept the mistakes, the subterfuges, the judgments. It asks me to have great hope that I am always in the making. I try, I fail, I try again.
This is a lifelong process.

Everything is gift

"But things slowly change. Ulcers heal, the scars disappear; first the physical ones, and later, much more slowly, the emotional ones. You feel strength again and old friends and old circles begin to open up again.
Health returns but it is different. Some of the old self-confidence is gone, replaced by a new sense of vulnerability and relativity that is immensely freeing.
You realize more clearly what is gift and what is earned. You know that you, on your own, cannot guarantee your own health, nor your attractiveness and desirability in love and friendship.
Stripped naked, weakened, and greatly humbled, you stop fighting, first because you are defeated, but later, when strength and resources return, because you realize that there is no reason to fight.
Life, health, love, it is all pure gift! You take less for granted and your old need to perform, to achieve, to dominate, to possess and impress, to win by effort what can only be received as gift, has been dealt a blow. It is painful, but freeing: painful because you realize that there is so little you can do; freeing because you realize that there is so little you have to do.
You begin to beg for conversion (even as you sense how difficult it is) because you would want to transvaluate all your values and priorities, your whole self, and begin life anew."

(Fr. Ronald Rolheiser, OMI)

To be humble

To be humble is to be grateful because everything is a gift.
To be humble is to be patient because we are all imperfect, human beings on our journey to growth.
To be humble is to be hopeful, knowing that in each person there is a spark of God within.
To be humble is to forgive because one's life is always an experience of being forgiven.
To be humble is to let go of the perks and privileges, believing that God takes care of me everyday.

Love is for the brave

Love is not just a sweet word. It is a choice of the courageous because it demands an asceticism that starts from the awareness that even my most beautiful and good word or gesture may not be at all motivated by pure love but by self-seeking.
Each day I am called to this journey of purification, to love even when I encounter indifference and rejection. It is actually the only way to purification. "If we love just those who love us, how can we be true children of God who makes the sun shine both on the good and the bad?" It is not easy and I can always find reasons to throw in the towel.
Paul's Hymn to love inspires me not to give up. I can always be on a journey to true love.
We never arrive if our measure is the love of Christ:
Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offence or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.
But there is no need to lose hope. Our experience of God's pure love that accepts us, warts and all, will help us in this difficult journey towards true love. It is the only journey worth staking our whole life in.

Litany of Humility