The sound of solitude

It's biting me again: that deep ache, that feeling of being alone whilst surrounded by a crowd. Perhaps it is autumn, or perhaps it is because after a month in a community of Sisters whom I have grown to love I am on the move again. Yes, I am feeling the ache once again.

Yesterday the Pope gave a homily in which he talked about solitude. Among other things he mentioned:
"The drama of solitude is experienced by countless men and women in our own day. I think of the elderly, abandoned even by their loved ones and children; widows and widowers; the many men and women left by their spouses; all those who feel alone, misunderstood and unheard; migrants and refugees fleeing from war and persecution; and those many young people who are victims of the culture of consumerism, the culture of waste, the throwaway culture."

We do a lot things to run away from solitude. We listen to music, we watch videos, we play video games, we talk non-stop or we navigate the internet. We move on from one relationship to another, from one past time to another. We try out new food, we shop until we drop, or we window-shop. We talk about people, about the world, we engage ourselves in "important" causes. We do everything so as to stifle the voice of loneliness that just emerges so loudly at certain points of our lives.

But what if I just stop and really feel the pain seeping through my entire being? God calls me to make this courageous choice not to run away, not to have immediate answers, but to live the tension of being in a limbo, of having balls in the air.

At the end of the day, it is really to ourselves that we have to go home to. Even the people closest to us cannot enter inside the deepest sanctuary of our being. That sanctuary is only for me and my God. Solitude is a call to be at home with my God.

Not by force

Truth has a force of its own, and we do a disservice to the truth when we force it upon people.

A best friend

A friend is someone you can be with for eight hours straight.
A best friend is someone you can be with for eight hours straight and still think that time isn't enough.

Peace-bearers

There is always a danger that in our passion to promote peace we could resort to means that are contrary to what we are workingfor. Of course we want to see results, nay, we are impatient to see results, and in our haste to see them we, sort of, force the issue, we use shortcuits. But shortcuts often boomerang on us.
In today's Gospel Jesus sends out his disciples. Among his recommendations, Jesus tells them to bring peace wherever they go. Should the place where they go choose not to accept that peace, it doesn't mean that the disciples have failed. The peace that they have offered to others will always come back to them.
We will never have peace by forcing the issue. To give to others the gift of peace is to allow them to accept it or to refuse it. But whatever their response is, it will never take away the peace in our heart. In doing this we may not see the end to global issues of peace, but we will be planting seeds of peace in the heart. In the long run, and maybe we won't see this in our lifetime, this is the only way to peace in the world.

He loved me first

I am a nun, and have been one for 23 years now. If you add the four years of preparation before the official start of my being a "nun", then it is like a lifetime.
It is a choice that I have never regretted,
After the sixth year, the year when I made my perpetual profession, I just stopped counting.
At this juncture, I feel like I am caught up in the vicious cycle of routine and of settling down, which happens in most relationships. After all, being a nun is more than a profession. It is a relationship: with God, with my fellow nuns, with the people I deal with daily, etc.
I feel like I am in a limbo. Days pass by without any feeling that I have done something special or that I have made a difference. What is sad is, a lot of times, I don't even care. I feel as if life is just passing me by, that I am just moving on pushed by the crowd.
I feel a certain repulsion over the state of my life, but I feel powerless to do anything.
The Gospel of today helped me to remember that time, so very long ago, when I gave up everything, my present and my future, in order to follow Jesus. But I also remembered that before it was my turn, it was first Jesus who loved me and captured my heart. It was he, it is always Jesus, who loves us first.

Weeping

May I not get used to the news about refugees, bombings, wars, sufferings of every kind, the dilly-dallying of politicians and other leaders. May I really weep and not just whine. May God grant me a heart in solidarity with all.
What is tragedy for a person is a tragedy for all humankind.
As I weep for them, I also weep for us. We are losing what is most basic for human beings - that is, seeing in the other person a partner, a friend, a brother or sister,
We are fighting about so-called convictions, when they are just our personal securities that we want to protect.
People are not problems to solve. People are the most wonderful and creative of God's creatures, and you, I, they, we are all one of them.

A haunting image

May we really learn to weep in the face of others' suffering.
When we weep on behalf of people we don't even know, it is a sign that we have finally understood that we are all brothers and sisters, we are all one family.
We should be ashamed to flaunt our riches and so-called progress when we allow our brothers and sisters, especially the most helpless ones, to struggle to defend the most basic right that we have, the right to life.