Community life, our furnace

Life in community does not keep the darkness away. To the contrary. It seems that the light that attracted me to L'Arche also made me conscious of the darkness in myself. Jealousy, anger, the feeling of being rejected or neglected, the sense of not truly belonging - all of these emerged in the context of a community striving for a life of forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. Community life has opened me up to the real spiritual combat: the struggle to keep moving toward the light precisely when the darkness is so real.
As long as I lived by myself, it seemed rather easy to keep the elder son hidden from view. But the sharing of life with people who are not hiding their feelings soon confronted me with the elder son within. There is little romanticism to community life. There is the constant need to keep stepping out of the engulfing darkness onto the platform of the father's embrace.

From "The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri Nouwen

Mary

Today is the feast of the Immaculate Conception. We, Catholics, believe that Mary, in the first instance of her conception, by a singular privilege and grace granted by God, in view of the merits of Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the human race, was preserved free from all stain of original sin.

Too much focus has been placed on this singular privilege granted to Mary that, perhaps, I have failed to see what is the Immaculate Conception's message for me.

In Mary, I find the heights to which a person can arrive when she/he allows her/himself to be totally loved by God. It is God who has loved us first. This loving God does not make our life easy, but if we just follow Him our lives acquire meaning.

Many of us have been formed in a moralistic faith that puts the focus on our efforts to do good, to make sacrifices in order to be pleasing to God. In reality, it is God who has reached out to us first, who has sacrificed Himself for us. When I contemplate the person of Jesus, I see not a vindictive or a "law enforcer" God, but a God who delights in the company of sinners, who rejoices when the one lost sheep is found.

Mary is not a statue we pray to when we don't have any other options. She is a living presence who continues to show us the way, to encourage us that the only way to happiness is to live our lives with God. Only God can give us the fullness of life, the home and the love that all of us have a nostalgia for.

A tie that binds

There are certain moments in life when an experience just overwhelms you. It involves your whole being in a very deep way that your mind fails to describe it and, much more, to understand it. Words are scarce, yet the experience is very real, touching your inmost being.
I have come across a reflection of Joyce Rupp in a book entitled "Praying our Goodbyes". It is a very clear description of what I am going through, what I have been going through these past months. It is as if I have finally found the words to describe to myself this experience.
It is like taking another step forward. One other realization I had is that, I am not alone. Many other men and women have walked and are walking the same path.
I pray for these people who, with tear-stained faces, soiled hands and bruised feet, still try to go through the journey. They are my kindred spirits.

Healing

Lord, I know that Your love is healing.

He will wipe away the tears

"On this mountain the Lord of hosts will provide for all peoples a feast of rich food and choice wines, juicy, rich food and pure, choice wines. On this mountain he will destroy the veil that veils all peoples, the web that is woven over all nations; he will destroy death forever. The Lord God will wipe away the tears from all faces." Isaiah 25:6-8

For me, this is the Bible's most tender description of God. How often this image has given me comfort especially in my most difficult moments.
I see a God who leaves aside His other concerns, and for that moment only has me as His concern.
I see a God whose full and undivided attention is focused on me.
I see a God whose right hand caresses my tear-stained face, while his left hand holds me close to His heart, stroking my head and my back until my sobs fade away.
This image of God gives me a lot of comfort. It doesn't take away my problem. It doesn't solve my issue.
But it gives me a renewed strength and self-confidence. I am not alone in the struggle. Despite any mess I may have been through or I may have created, I can always go home to Someone who loves me unconditionally. He believes in me and this faith makes me believe that no matter how long the journey, I will find again the song in my heart.

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5

Advent is waiting

We are in the Advent season. It is the four-week preparation for Christmas.

I have made a resolution for this Advent. I am not going to play any Christmas song. I will let Advent be Advent, a period of waiting, a period of longing. I hope that as the days advance, the longing for Jesus will be more intense.

I know that in the coming days I will be bombarded by Christmas songs, Christmas lights and decorations, parties here and there, Christmas greetings to send, gifts to pack, etc.

In many ways, instead of preparing us for Christmas, these things make us tired and, at times, exhausted, to really celebrate Christmas when it comes.

This year, I will not rush Christmas. I will let Advent be Advent. I will watch and pray. I will wait. It is not easy. Our society is quite allergic to waiting. Everywhere quality is measured when waiting time is lessened or totally cancelled.

But it is in waiting that we come to discover and fortify the strength that is already within us. Waiting purifies us. Waiting makes us see what it is that really matters in our lives.

Waiting requires discipline. But more than discipline, waiting needs a soul in order to persevere.

We wait in hope even when the waiting is long.

We wait in faith because we believe that God is true to His word.

We wait in love because God has loved us first.

Advent is waiting in hope, faith and love.

In front of life

Life is too short to bear ill will against anybody.
And even more than this very practical reason, we have as model God's love. It is for all. It doesn't discriminate.
It is totally gratuitous. It doesn't depend on whether we are good or bad, or on whether we accept it or not.
If I will just look at life and at my experiences from this perspective, my attitude will change.
I'll learn to be more grateful, without clinging on the good that happens in my life.
I'll be more trusting and forgiving, believing that each person tries his/her best, that we do not really mean to hurt each other.
I'll be more joyful. I, with my limitations, am not in control. There is a loving Power in whose hands my life and my history rest. I will not be afraid because He has the last word, and it is "mercy".