From the other side

I had lunch with two Sisters yesterday, one of whom is a very wise person. One of the topics of our conversation was the presence of some Sisters who are so attentive that their actions tend to exasperate the objects of their attention. She said that she believes that most of them really do what they do with goodness of heart. However, it is the exaggeration that tends to suffocate and turn people off.
Then we talked about her family and how, being the youngest, she had too much attention from everybody, that until now, during their family gatherings, she has to remind them that she is already a grown-up lady. It could be one reason why she detests this exaggerated attention.
I told her that I am grateful for this sharing. It enabled me to look at myself from another perspective. You see, I am one who tends to exaggerate. Being the eldest in the family, I had certain responsibilities. Perhaps, in many ways, I have conformed my way of thinking, speaking, behaving and doing things, to what is expected of an eldest. Being the eldest is one of the major factors that have influenced the shaping of my personality.
I am not making a judgment here. I just got this insight from this sharing of my Sister. I suddenly got a view of myself from the other side. Yes, it is possible that what I consider as small gestures of affection through which I want to show my love concretely, could be suffocating, controlling and smothering.
It is really important to listen and to take a step back. It is necessary to try, as much as possible, to be clear about my motivations. Others are entitled to their own interpretation and judgment. I should try to enter into dialogue, if possible, to arrive at the best possible clarification.
It is not an easy process. It necessitates great humility to see myself with sincerity, according to what is deep in my heart. It requires courage to look in the face and accept the mistakes, the subterfuges, the judgments. It asks me to have great hope that I am always in the making. I try, I fail, I try again.
This is a lifelong process.