Fragile

Some issues in my life have reached a certain level of resolution. I cannot say that they are "resolved" according to how I would prefer resolution to be. Polly's ideals have been shattered. My experiences have opened my eyes to the fact that life is on the move. I cannot freeze time. I cannot frame an experience. Things will not be and will never be the same again.
There are times when I am tempted to go to the roots of things and try to understand and look for answers and explanations, but all I get are "maybe's". There are so many maybe's. I know, deep in my heart, that I would never know the answer.
And come to think of it, if I knew the answer, would it undo the situation, or ease the suffering?
So I live through this mystery; indeed, I live in this mystery.
I have simplified my goal. I no longer aim to solve or to resolve it. Mysteries are not solved. But everyday I can let an aspect of this mystery illumine my life: my attitudes, my choices, my values, my treasures.
I feel a certain level of peace, but it is very fragile. Maybe it will always be so, and it is better this way. It reminds me of my creatureliness in need of a great God.
"We hold this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing power may be of God and not from us. We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Cor 4:7-9)