God's will

It is God's will that I be happy!
This is a truth that I believe in.
All life is a journey to believe that God is on my side, cheering me on, wanting me to be happy.
My whole view about life and about the way I live it will radically change if this fundamental truth becomes part of me.
The thing is, I need to change the way I look at what makes me happy. What will give me joy?
What will truly make me happy is not something ephemeral.
Don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean that little things cannot make me happy; for, the transitoriness of something doesn't depend on its size or cost. True happiness touches the soul. It is not for sale. I have seen it in the eyes of the most impoverished children, or in the gentle hands of a mother as she comforts her crying baby after a long day's work.
What makes me truly happy is what gives meaning to my life, something that gives me the reason to wake up every morning, to brave the routine of everyday life, to stay faithful even if it doesn't give me an emotional high.
God's will is for me to be happy, a joy that no one can take away from me. Is this possible? I think it is, and we see it every day in the most selfless acts of kindness, generosity and forgiveness. For it is when we are making others happy that happiness springs from the deepest part of our being. It is a gift. It is God that gives that kind of happiness to me.

He loved me first

I am a nun, and have been one for 23 years now. If you add the four years of preparation before the official start of my being a "nun", then it is like a lifetime.
It is a choice that I have never regretted,
After the sixth year, the year when I made my perpetual profession, I just stopped counting.
At this juncture, I feel like I am caught up in the vicious cycle of routine and of settling down, which happens in most relationships. After all, being a nun is more than a profession. It is a relationship: with God, with my fellow nuns, with the people I deal with daily, etc.
I feel like I am in a limbo. Days pass by without any feeling that I have done something special or that I have made a difference. What is sad is, a lot of times, I don't even care. I feel as if life is just passing me by, that I am just moving on pushed by the crowd.
I feel a certain repulsion over the state of my life, but I feel powerless to do anything.
The Gospel of today helped me to remember that time, so very long ago, when I gave up everything, my present and my future, in order to follow Jesus. But I also remembered that before it was my turn, it was first Jesus who loved me and captured my heart. It was he, it is always Jesus, who loves us first.