Be not afraid

 

I am going through a life-changing experience. Only a few people know about it, but I know that, soon, I have to face it. Facing it means talking about it. 

I have always been very open, so why is it hard to talk about it? I have a feeling that once I talk openly about it, it becomes very real. Perhaps that is what makes me afraid. 

Yesterday's Gospel is a message from God, precisely in this frightening time of my life: BE NOT AFRAID. JESUS IS WITH YOU ON YOUR BOAT. This is a very personal journey, but I am not alone. 

"Be not afraid, I go before you always. Come, follow me, and I will give you rest."

Joy

 

Joy is not a prize, nor a quest, nor a destination.

Joy is the spirit within us, accompanying us in our journey.

It is like a dancing and totally dynamic flicker of light that warms our heart, sustains our resolve, pushes us to move ahead, and allows us to see the good and the beauty that surrounds us.

Maria

Mary is the human creature closest to Jesus, flesh of her own flesh.
Mary is the human creature closest to what God designed His human creation to be.
Mary is the human creature closest to us, humanity on a journey, as we go through the ebbs and flows of life.

God's mediation

In today's Gospel passage about the "Rich young man", I cannot help but see in him the face of many young people.
Young people have such great desire to find their life's purpose. They engage in pursuits that they think will help them find that greatly desired but seemingly elusive purpose, that "polar star" that will orient their life.
It is not easy to see the Polar star when there are other equally, or even brighter stars that catch our attention.
Perhaps, we adults, are also at fault. Young people don't, or rarely, see in us people who have found the Polar star, that purpose that drives us to embrace a journey that is often characterized by solitude and the leaving aside of all our securities.

Hope

Hope makes us move forward, perhaps not always with sprint and enthusiasm, or perhaps we are just dragging ourselves one painful step at a time, but we don't give up, knowing that no matter how slow the pace is, we are on a journey and one day we will get "there".

Obedience to God

The journey to interior freedom is a long and never-ending journey. We never arrive. The moment we think that we have everything figured out and we safely use categories, is a sign that we are off-course.
It doesn't mean, though, that we don't have principles or convictions. Nay, it means that we are open to look at our values and see shades of egoism and self-centeredness in them. It is to admit that our motivations are never perfectly pure.
Left to ourselves, our criteria of judgment are always relative.
And so we need the light of Someone higher than ourselves. I call this Someone God, others might use another name.
Our choices are a constant search and dialogue. And so the journey goes on and on.

The price of growing up

Our personal journey is mysterious and we cannot compare ours with another's, nor have easy recipes or prescriptions. There are common elements, but each one of us must grope in the dark. We make our journey and pay for it with our own blood, sweat and tears. This is the price of growth, and growth is a sign of life.

Continuing the journey

There are certain experiences in life that leave a big mark. They make us lose our "innocence" and question the things we believe in. As I am writing this, I am reminding myself that when this happens I don't have a grasp of the whole picture. I am seeing things from my own perspective, using my own filters.
I don't want to judge people. I hope I am not judging people. I don't want this to be "us against them". I don't want this to be "my crusade" against a person or a group. Rather, I hope that God will transform me and grant me wisdom of heart so that I may see as God sees, and leave the judgment of people in God's hands. May I learn to judge a situation with the criteria of the Gospel, so that I may truly discern the right attitude and course of action. May God grant me unwavering hope.
May God help me to grow...
... in interior freedom so that I may be healed of my prejudices and my paralyses;
... in coherence of life between what is in my heart and what I say and do;
... in transparency because anything that is not done in truth is like a castle in the air that doesn't last;
... in going out of my comfort zones so that I may be able to give, especially to people who cannot or will not repay me, and to forgive again and again.

Like father, like daughter

 In today's first reading (John 3:22-30), the apostle John tells us that whatever it is we ask of God, if it is according to His will, He will grant us.
Sounds tricky.
What is the use of asking God for something when I am sure that He is not going to give it to me if it is not what He wants? Or, Why do I need to still pray for something which is already according to God's plan?
When I focus my attention on prayer as twisting God's arm, indeed prayer doesn't make sense.
However, when I look at prayer from another light, I think this passage from John makes sense.
Prayer is an expression of my being God's child. A son or a daughter is, normally, not afraid nor embarrassed to ask from their parents. It is something natural. In this sense, the more I ask God for something, the more I express my daughter-ship.
And the more I grow in my daughter-ship, the more my interests, my concerns, my tastes become similar to my Father's... and in a sense we become one, one mind and one heart.
And this is prayer's journey - to become more and more like my Heavenly Father.

Quiet joy

I am not an expert in words but there is something about the word "joy" that fascinates me. I used to interchange it with the words happiness and cheer. But more and more I prefer the word joy. I cannot yet fully explain, but something in my heart says that "joy" expresses something deeper and more lasting.
Other synonyms for joy according to thesaurus are mirth, pleasure, hilarity, bliss, liveliness, revelry, etc. But they seem too superficial for me, too boisterous.
Instead for me joy is something deep. It is not something spectacular or bombastic. Joy is something that is so transparent you cannot see it but you sense it and you feel its absence.
Joy isn't a result of being in a state of perfection or absence of problems and worries.
Joy is the fruit of an ongoing journey of coming to terms with our imperfections and with the imperfections of life. When we accept these imperfections not with a skeptical nor defeatist attitude, but rather on bended knees, knowing deeply that somehow, in a way that surpasses our understanding, we are Loved with a love that endures and which has no end. This is joy. So it is necessarily something humble and quiet, free from grandstanding. Then the other face of joy is necessarily gratitude to the Love that accompanies us and never lets us be crushed.
Yesterday evening Pope Benedict XVI addressed the crowd gathered at St. Peter's Square in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the opening of the Second Vatican Council. He said that it is indeed a moment of joy; but ours is a quiet and humble joy as in these 50 years we have come to terms with the weaknesses within the Church. But we have joy in our hearts all the more because we know that the People of God depends at all times in the God of everlasting and gratuitous love. This is the cause of our joy.

A very long distance

Between the mind and the heart, there is a very long distance. It happens very frequently to me now that certain things are very clear, reasonable and appealing to me at the level of the mind, but the heart says another thing. Sometimes I find myself numb and paralyzed. I know what I have to do, and I am totally convinced that I must do it, but the helplessness is there. So within myself I have two opposing forces. It must be what St. Paul was talking about...
To illustrate what I mean, it's like I have left my familiar shores because the other side is beckoning me. What lies ahead is very attractive, clear and luminous. I know I am moving but I don't seem to be getting nearer to the other side. I know I cannot go back anymore to my familiar shores, but where I am is a very insecure place. It's like I am moving but I don't seem to be going anywhere. It's like being stuck; I am neither here nor there.
Oh God, just give me what I need for today.
Let your grace be enough for me. Let your will be the source of my joy.