Letting go

God is my Father. My little life is a part of a grand design, my Father's plan. I only see a glimpse of that grand project, and what a poor glimpse it is - solely from my own perspective. I want everything in my life to be in place, that is, to stay secure, that is, not to be worried because everything is predictable, everything follows a plan I am familiar with.

A friend of mine says that I tend to be controlling. I have always contested that observation, and I reason out, with good faith, that, in fact, I tend to be liberal and allow people to do what they like. Well, I've got good news for me. Yes, consciously, I respect people's choices and let them be, but subconsciously, I feel a certain discomfort, and there is the desire to go back to a situation where I don't suffer, that is, where I am in control.

This controlling tendency manifests itself in a lot of ways - the desire to name what I feel, the capacity to feel okay, the support and affirmation of friends, a concrete personal project completed, etc.

These days God calls me to recognize Him as Father. I am just a part of His great scheme.

Fear is useless. What is needed is trust.

As my favorite book tells it, "God's in his heavens. All's right with the world".