Go and sell everything

At this moment of my life, I feel an intense urge to ask God to restore to me the past. The burden of the various responsibilities are just so heavy and the feeling of solitude is just so frightening. I feel so stripped of joy and serenity.

Lord, take them away from me. I have always done my part. I have been an active member of my community, despite my limited capacities. Lord, just bring back those days of old, when life was simpler.

Then the Gospel story about the rich young man comes to my mind (surely, inspired by God)

Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?

You know the commandments ...

All of these I have observed from my youth

Wow, these words echo what is in my heart. I have always done my part - my work, my apostolate, my contribution to the community. Just let me go back to my former situation.

There is still one thing left for you: sell all that you have and distribute it to the poor. Then come, follow me.

What is there still to sell, Lord? I have left everything 21 years ago - my family, my career, my friends... or maybe in the twentyone years I've been in religious life, I've started to gather around me other treasures- friends, my projects, sympathizers, my own ideals.

It's very frightening, Lord, what you are asking of me. I do not know if I can do it. My heart is already shedding a lot of tears. I am begging for this state to come to an end.

What is impossible for human beings is possible for God.

What answer are you asking of me? Like Mary? That I say, "Behold, the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word". I want to say these words, dear Lord, but I am afraid of the consequence. What if you take them seriously?

I want to say them, and say them with sincerity. Now I just say them mechanically. You know my rhythm, Lord. You know me better than I know myself. Help me, at the right time, to say them with sincerity, and to mean them.