No finished symphony

In the torment of the insufficiency of everything attainable we begin to realize that here, in this life, all symphonies remain unfinished. (Karl Rahner)

Real beauty

Susan Boyle is the latest sensation. Here is a wonderful article which might guide our soul-searching as to what really matters in life ...

The beauty that matters is always on the inside http://www.theherald.co.uk/mostpopular.var.2501746.mostviewed.the_beauty_that_matters_is_always_on_the_inside.php

Incredibly inspiring

Susan Boyle's rendition of "I dreamed a dream"

No more wine

I am no wine expert, but I know that wine is a sign of feast, of celebration. At the wedding at Cana, there was a feast, a wedding feast, but they ran out of wine. How can a celebration without wine be a feast?

We are still a few days after the most joyous celebration - Easter. Everyday during the Easter octave we repeat the verse "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad", but I feel like my life is such a burden, it is passing from one work to another, from one responsibility to another. As one character of a film I've recently watched puts it, "for me, it's all duty. There is no joy in doing them."

I guess I call it the curse of a dutiful life, of being responsible. I reason out, and I pride myself when I say so, and think that it is a sign of maturity, that in life, many times, we cannot just do what we like. A lot of times, in order to survive, we just have to renounce our will and do what is good and what is right.

But it is very tiring and very oppressing to just "do". I need something more, to find the reason why I do what is good.

Jesus is the wine of rejoicing. I do not know how long this realization will last. These days of quiet have been helpful, but I have to go back to my plain and everyday life. But I am confident in God, my "everyday compassion". I may get lost and be entrapped in my web of attachments, but He will find me and lead me back home.

Letting go

God is my Father. My little life is a part of a grand design, my Father's plan. I only see a glimpse of that grand project, and what a poor glimpse it is - solely from my own perspective. I want everything in my life to be in place, that is, to stay secure, that is, not to be worried because everything is predictable, everything follows a plan I am familiar with.

A friend of mine says that I tend to be controlling. I have always contested that observation, and I reason out, with good faith, that, in fact, I tend to be liberal and allow people to do what they like. Well, I've got good news for me. Yes, consciously, I respect people's choices and let them be, but subconsciously, I feel a certain discomfort, and there is the desire to go back to a situation where I don't suffer, that is, where I am in control.

This controlling tendency manifests itself in a lot of ways - the desire to name what I feel, the capacity to feel okay, the support and affirmation of friends, a concrete personal project completed, etc.

These days God calls me to recognize Him as Father. I am just a part of His great scheme.

Fear is useless. What is needed is trust.

As my favorite book tells it, "God's in his heavens. All's right with the world".

Go and sell everything

At this moment of my life, I feel an intense urge to ask God to restore to me the past. The burden of the various responsibilities are just so heavy and the feeling of solitude is just so frightening. I feel so stripped of joy and serenity.

Lord, take them away from me. I have always done my part. I have been an active member of my community, despite my limited capacities. Lord, just bring back those days of old, when life was simpler.

Then the Gospel story about the rich young man comes to my mind (surely, inspired by God)

Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?

You know the commandments ...

All of these I have observed from my youth

Wow, these words echo what is in my heart. I have always done my part - my work, my apostolate, my contribution to the community. Just let me go back to my former situation.

There is still one thing left for you: sell all that you have and distribute it to the poor. Then come, follow me.

What is there still to sell, Lord? I have left everything 21 years ago - my family, my career, my friends... or maybe in the twentyone years I've been in religious life, I've started to gather around me other treasures- friends, my projects, sympathizers, my own ideals.

It's very frightening, Lord, what you are asking of me. I do not know if I can do it. My heart is already shedding a lot of tears. I am begging for this state to come to an end.

What is impossible for human beings is possible for God.

What answer are you asking of me? Like Mary? That I say, "Behold, the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word". I want to say these words, dear Lord, but I am afraid of the consequence. What if you take them seriously?

I want to say them, and say them with sincerity. Now I just say them mechanically. You know my rhythm, Lord. You know me better than I know myself. Help me, at the right time, to say them with sincerity, and to mean them.

Carrying the cross

I have given you an example

So, during supper, fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power and that he had come from God and was returning to God, he rose from supper and took off his outer garments. He took a towel and tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and dry them with the towel around his waist... So when he had washed their feet and put his garments back on and reclined at table again, he said to them, "Do you realize what I have done for you? You call me 'teacher' and 'master' and rightly so, for indeed I am. If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another's feet. I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do".
John 13:3-5,12-15