The wine of our lives

Today is the feast of Mary Help of Christians. It is also the anniversary of my religious profession. I've been a nun for twenty years. Wow.
Looking back I can say that it hasn't been a flatline journey, as any life's journey is. There are the highs and the lows. There were mountains to climb and depths to be probed. There were temptations to change course whenever I saw that the grass was greener on other paths.
Despite my best intentions, life wasn't always 100 percent okay. There were failures, but successes too. The failures hurt, but the hurt passed too. Strangely enough, even the successes didn't give me a lasting euphoria.
Today's Gospel was about the wedding in Cana, where Mary interceded to Jesus on behalf of the newlyweds who didn't have enough wine to celebrate their wedding. At first Jesus seemed uninterested, falling short of saying that it was none of his business. But the Mother had the upperhand. "Do whatever Jesus tells you", she tells the servants. Jesus tells them to fill the jars with water and bring them to the head waiter  for testing. And lo and behold, what the waiter tasted was high quality wine, even better than the earlier servings.
In life we tend to do everything we can, we invest all our resources when we believe in something. After all, that is what our society tells us: do your best because nobody will stand up for you. And so we enter into the lie that if we just do our best our success will be tastier. And we see people running around like morons, doing great things and doing them just because they want to be successful, to be the best. And with all the good that we do, even with the praise that the world heaps on us, we cannot fool ourselves and we know, we just know when we are exhausted, when things, when life itself doesn't make sense anymore.
We've done our best, we've exhausted our options. We have tried to follow the world's creed: Be the best. Help yourself because no one is going to stand up for you.
We are at the end of our ropes. And as a line in one of my favorite Kids' praise songs says: "The Lord reminds us once again, in me you'll find your hope."
Jesus doesn't really solve our problems for us. But He gives us perspective, meaning, energy, motivation, strength, etc. I guess He can never be everything for us as long as we still hold on to something. The moment He becomes our only Lord, the sole master of our lives, even the little that we give like "filling up the jars with water" can produce the wine of rejoicing.