Just forgive

I have already forgiven this person in my heart many times, but when she actually said the words, they still brought tears to my eyes. I just wasn't prepared for this miracle.
As my tears continued to fall, the past just came back to me... the roller coaster ride from euphoria to rejection, from the certainty of finding a once in a lifetime treasure to trying to shield myself from further humiliation.
I felt like I was reconnecting with the person I used to be, the person that I have lost.
It was one of those rare times when I know that something is happening within me but I cannot find the words to describe it.
I still cannot.
But I forgive. I forgive with all my heart.
The experience wasn't something I would wish for anybody. It was terrible. It almost broke my body and my spirit. But still, I survived.
They say that when you forgive, the person who benefits most is yourself.
But I forgive not because I want to benefit from it.
Why do I forgive? Perhaps I have a variety of reasons but I cannot remember them all now, nor can I make a logical connection among those reasons.
I just forgive.
My heart tells me that it is the thing to do. My heart tells me that I am ready for it.
I have paid my experience my due. I didn't sweep it under a rug. I have let the hurt penetrate my whole being, I didn't escape.
A lot has changed in me, for the better, I hope.
And I owe it to this experience that has almost crushed me.
So as I forgive, I acknowledge the miracle of grace in my life.
I would not have been able to do it without God, the friend who never fails.