A woman on my mind

As we celebrate International Women’s Day today, I think about my mother. It’s been almost fourteen years since she passed away. What will I always remember about her?

She loved to reach out to people. Their indifference or cruelty made her suffer but she always managed to just heave a deep sigh, or cry in secret or in the company of a trusted person. But she would not let an uncharitable retort or cruel words come out of her mouth. Was this a sign of weakness? Some may say so, but I don’t. For me this was a sign of great self-control and a magnanimous heart that knows that she is not the center of the world.

She loved life. She laughed a lot. She gave gifts on birthdays, Christmas days, or for no occasion at all, not big ones for she couldn’t afford that, but gifts that made the other person feel special. I didn’t even know about this, but during our frequent family get-togethers now someone would always remember some experience.  

She loved God. She always saw everything in the light of faith. She would always say “Bahala na ang Diyos” (God will take care of it) or “Ipinagpapasa-Diyos ko na lang” (I leave it in God’s hands). And the decisions she took were always based on this certainty. She wasn’t lazy, though, or passive. She did her part, but it was okay if things didn’t turn out the way she wanted. She knew how to move on.

Did she love herself? We know that a healthy personality would entail a healthy love of oneself. So to the question whether she loved herself, I’d say yes. But my mother was a wise woman. She knew that “herself” was a part of a greater whole. “Herself” was always in relation with something, or someone, or Someone.

If my mother would take a personality test, perhaps she wouldn’t make a perfect score. I don’t care about that. I don’t even want to make a perfect score myself. It would be enough for me if I learn from my mother that life is NOT a property to be consumed, but a gift received that becomes more meaningful when shared. We don’t need to wait to have a perfect life for us to be happy because happiness is something we choose for ourselves with whatever ingredients life offers to us.