Don't sell your soul

I just came back from a "Tabor experience", you know those experiences where you really feel so enthusiastic and so positive you have a feeling you could conquer the world.
Last week, at this same time, I was in Cuatro Vientos, feeling so re-charged in my faith, and celebrating it without inhibitions, despite the scorching heat of the sun and the downpour in the evening. I know that faith in God is something personal, but it sure helps to belong to a community that shares it with you. It felt so good to be with normal, happy, everyday people who treasure the same values that I do, and who believe in the same God that I believe in.
Now, I am back to the lowlands, to everyday life.
We do not always feel the "highs" in life. Everyday life could be killing us with its plainness, ordinariness, monotony, etc. There are no formulas that will ensure a lasting dwelling on the plateau. Sooner or later we have to go down. It will not do to resist, because the "Tabor experience" is a gift freely given and not a fruit of our ability.
When everyday life's ordinariness touches us so deeply, we often run around and look for things and persons to appease this feeling of emptiness. We don't want to go through the experience of being insecure because it is a frightening experience and we always want to be assured.
Maybe this was what Jesus felt when, after forty days of fasting and prayer in the desert, he was tempted by the devil. Temptations are invitations to choose the easy way out.
But Jesus invites us not to sell our soul. There is only one response to the aching of our heart: God. And this God freely gives himself to me. I just need to wait.

I didnt' see the Pope

I was in Madrid for World Youth Day 2011. I cannot explain how I feel. There are so many wonderful experiences, big and small, that I feel overwhelmed by this opportunity that God has given me to be confirmed in my faith.
I know that our faith in God is something personal. It is not a mature faith until it is something that one owns personally. But being personal does not mean that faith is something private that one keeps only in the heart or, at most, shares with the people nearest to him/her. This is what I have experienced in Madrid.
It is so overwhelming to know that I am not alone in living my Christian faith. There are many others who share the same faith with me. Probably we manifest this faith in different ways, but still we acknowledge this faith.
I didn't have the opportunity to see Pope Benedict XVI at close range, but I don't really feel bad about it. Being in Cuatro Vientos with those people, with those young people, and staying, despite the rain, is something I will carry in my heart for always. God has touched me with the presence of these people.
Skeptics might say that it will only be an event among many others for many of the young pilgrims. But I don't believe so. The fact that they stayed and braved the heat, the rain and all the inconveniences makes me believe otherwise.
May God make our faith really strong, and may we be joyful witnesses to this faith.

Desert

God said, "I will allure her in the desert and speak to her heart."
My desert could be any place.
When I am bereft of my securities, when I feel helpless in front of life's forces, I am in the desert.
When I feel totally alone, despite being surrounded by a crowd, I am in the desert.
The paradox is, it is only when I am in this difficult place called the desert that my heart becomes ready to listen.
Finally, God can speak to me.

Light

I woke up very early this morning. It was still dark.
From one angle in the garden I saw flashes of light. They were very quick and weak. It was only because I was paying close attention that I saw them and looked at them in awe. I knew that they were fireflies. I was fascinated by their perseverance as they continued to flash their weak light in pitch-black darkness. It's as if it didn't matter to them that they didn't seem to make any difference.
That was God's message for me today. When the darkness seems to overwhelm me, He comes and reveals Himself like these flashes of light.
It may not be enough to dispel the darkness, but it is what I need in order to remember that all is not dark.
God perseveres in making His presence felt, but most of the time He does it in gentle and quiet ways. He doesn't want to impress me to submission; He attracts me with His persistence.
Even if many times I don't acknowledge Him, or I wait for Him to reveal Himself in a grand way, He continues with His gentle light. What a great God! Pure, gratuitous love.

Faithful

Today is the feast of our religious congregation. There is an air of celebration, as two Sisters in my community celebrate their 60th anniversary of religious profession, while two others celebrate their silver anniversary. As the priest said in his homily, it is a counter-testimony to a society that frowns on long-term commitments.
Having been a professed Sister for nineteen years, I can say that I admire these Sisters for staying on. Living in a community with people whom you have not chosen to be with is not easy. In our Constitutions and in the Letters of our Foundress, Mother Mazzarello, we read beautiful expressions such us "give the best to your Sisters" or "who loves Jesus agrees with everybody". But in concrete everyday life, it is not easy. I think that at least once in our life we have been tempted to just go away to a place where "I will be more appreciated and respected".
So why do people stay, why do I stay?
Is it just a habit that is difficult to break?
Or is it the fear of the unknown that prevents me leaving?
Both reasons are true, yet, deep in my heart I know that the reason why I stay is beyond me.
So today I celebrate "fidelity", not mine but God's.
Yes, in the story of my life, in the life stories of many religious men and women, the real "faithful one" is God. His fidelity is sure, creative, forgiving, hopeful, life-giving.
My favorite name for God is "Everyday compassion", my second favorite name for God is "the faithful one". He calls me, yes, imperfect, inconstant, weak me. He calls me everyday to give Him my hand and allow Him to lead me in the dance of life. At times I let go of His hands and go my own way, and then I feel insecure and alone. But maybe that is also part of the dance. God is such a faithful partner that He waits for me at the right time and with the right step.
I am never alone, God is a faithful dancing partner.