Prayer of Rupert Mayer

A beautiful and meaningful song that expresses a person's complete trust in God's presence in the midst of deepest pain. Only God can give rest to our restless heart. Pain doesn't have the last word. God will have it, and it is: Welcome home.
"We even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)

Be thankful for suffering

Give, give until it hurts. Only when it hurts do you give yourself.

Today's second reading of the Office of Readings is very enlightening in trying to make sense of suffering.

From the Moral Reflections on Job by Saint Gregory the Great, pope
The interior witness

Whoever is mocked by his friend, as I am, shall call upon God, and he shall hear him. A weak-minded person is frequently diverted toward pursuing exterior happiness when the breath of popular favor accompanies his good actions. So he gives up his own personal choices, preferring to remain at the mercy of whatever he hears from others. Thus, he rejoices not so much to become but to be called blessed. Eager for praise, he gives up what he had begun to be; and so he is severed from God by the very means by which he appeared to be commendable in God.

But sometimes a soul firmly strives for righteousness and yet is beset by men’s ridicule. He does what is admirable but he gets only mockery. He might have gone out of himself because of man’s praise; he returns to himself when repelled by their abuse. Finding no resting-place without, he cleaves more intensely to God within. All his hope is fixed on his Creator, and amid all the ridicule and abuse he invokes his interior witness alone. One who is afflicted in this way grows closer to God the more he turns away from human popularity. He straightway pours himself out in prayer, and, pressured from without, he is refined with a more perfect purity to penetrate what is within.

In this context, the words apply: Whoever is mocked by his friend, as I am, shall call upon God, and he shall hear him. For while the wicked reproach the just, they show them whom they should look to as the witness of their actions. Thus afflicted, the soul strengthens itself by prayer; it is united within to one who listens from on high precisely because it is cut off externally from the praise of men. Again, we should note how appropriately the words are inserted, as I am. There are some people who are both oppressed by human mockery and are yet deprived of God’s favorable hearing. For when the mockery is done to a man’s own sin, it obviously does not produce the merit that is due to virtue.

The simplicity of the just man is laughed to scorn. It is the wisdom of this world to conceal the heart with stratagems, to veil one’s thoughts with words, to make what is false appear true and what is true appear false. On the other hand it is the wisdom of the just never to pretend anything for show, always to use words to express one’s thoughts, to love the truth as it is and to avoid what is false, to do what is right without reward and to be more willing to put up with evil than to perpetrate it, not to seek revenge for wrong, and to consider as gain any insult for truth’s sake. But this guilelessness is laughed to scorn, for the virtue of innocence is held as foolishness by the wise of this world. Anything that is done out of innocence, they doubtless consider to be stupidity, and whatever truth approves of, in practice is called folly by their earthly wisdom.

Don't judge

Do not judge. You do not know the whole story. You could be wrong. And if you are wrong, your judgment will take away your peace. And if you happen to be right, your feeling of self-righteousness will be short-lived.
So, don't judge, for your own peace.

Mother Mary in my life

Mary is, and has always been a mother to me, especially after I’ve lost my own mother in 2001. The way I consider Mary as my mother is in a way influenced by my own experience of my mother. Mary’s presence in my life is like a quiet thread that runs through my life. She has never sought to be the protagonist in my life, but she has always led me to Jesus.
As I try to deepen my relationship with Mother Mary, I am greatly helped by Scriptures, especially the Gospels. They help me to know the historical Mary, who also had her own share of doubts and questions, of disappointments and struggles. Mary in Scriptures is not a cold ideal that is unreachable, but someone who can relate with me as she herself has gone through an interesting and unpredictable journey.
This was a very recent experience as I meditated on the Seven sorrows of Mary during the Lenten season. Mary’s sorrows are mirrors of my own losses, disappointments, struggles and failures. She is helping me to face them with courage and serenity, filled with trust in God, the faithful One.

Veni Creator Spiritus

A broken heart is like a bad tooth

Here is a realistic way of looking at a broken heart, sans the poetry:

A broken heart in real life isn't half as dreadful as in books. It's a good deal like a bad tooth... It takes spells of aching and gives you a sleepless night now and then, but between times it lets you enjoy life and dreams and echoes and peanut candy as if there were nothing the matter with it. ... It won't let you be miserable. It keeps on trying to make you comfortable ... and succeeding ... even when you're determined to be unhappy and romantic.

From Anne of Avonlea, by Lucy Maud Montgomery

Goodbye

Nothing is permanent in life. No one can contest this truth.

We cannot freeze time in order to live in a present that is “perfect”, that is, according to our own preference. No matter how we try, this “perfect” becomes sour, through someone’s or no one’s fault, because that is the rule of life.

I’ve learned this the hard way. Oh how much I resisted. I thought that if I just say the magic word, or do the right thing, things will revert back to the state where they have given me joy and security. I guess it was very naïve of me.

Now the word “goodbye” has acquired a deeper meaning. I still enjoy what today brings: a good work done, a problem solved, the company of a friend or loved one, but I am more aware that they are not permanent. I take today as a gift, and I let go as I am sure that there will be other “todays”.

So I will serenely say “goodbye”, which actually comes from “God-be-with-you”, believing that in the present moment shared, God is present, and when it is time to move on, God will still be present.

To say goodbye is an act of faith in God, my EVERYDAY compassion.

In the world

Father, I do not ask that you take them out of the world but that you keep them from the evil one. (John 17:15)
"Tell me, Holy One," the disciple said,
"Should I sell my business and go into a monastery?"
And the Holy One answered,
"No, keep your business but go into your heart."

(Sr. Joan Chittister OSB)

In God's hands

Yesterday I got a sad news. A lady, who has helped one of our missions in Asia, has committed suicide.
How can this be explained? I don't know the lady personally, but from conversations with someone who has known her and closely worked with her, plus the many projects she had for this Asian country, I wonder if this news could be true.
How can a person so enthused with bettering the lives of others take her own life?
I do not have any answer. And difficult as it is, I have learned that in life, our questions do not always have answers, so that we just have to live in peace with the questions.
The more correct ones might ask, so where is she now? Is she in hell, after all she committed suicide?
I do not know. I just know that God is greater than our limited minds. He knows the depths of a person, and as I always say, thank God there is a God.
As a postcript I heard that this lady had a sad married life. Her husband died in an accident. She was childless. It seems her sad and tragic life led her to depression.
However, I know that we cannot simplistically reduce these different experiences in order to arrive at a conclusion and pretend to understand and analyze her life. I am not here to analyze. I just want to know what God is telling me through this event.
From my own experience, I can say that it may happen that a person so bubbling with life would, after a series of experiences, question life's sense, its goodness, its fairness, the sense of going on.
I am sure that she is in God's hands. God knows the human person's inner struggles, the desire to crawl out from the pit, the effort to get up each day. If only for that, God grants us peace.

A daughter’s 10 commandments for separated parents - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

A daughter’s 10 commandments for separated parents - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

A woman for all time

This is the title of a book that was recommended to me before I entered the Aspirantate, officially the first phase of formation to the religious life. It is a biography of the Co-foundress of our Congregation, Saint Mary Domenica Mazzarello.
I do not remember much of that book. Her life was very simple, nothing extraordinary, in the sense of strange mystical experiences. But having been in the Congregation for half of my life, I have come to know the woman behind the title Co-foundress of our Institute.
One of her most memorable lines was a prayer after she contracted an almost mortal typhoid. It radically changed her life. This is a rough translation of that prayer:
"Lord, if in your goodness You will grant me recovery from this illness, let me live my life forgotten by all except by You".
The irony is, this woman who asked to be forgotten is followed as a model of life by all Salesian Sisters throughout the world, is loved and venerated by the Church as a saint.
Maria Mazzarello remained true to her promise to live a hidden life, but it didn't mean withdrawing herself from the world. Instead, she lived her state of life, her vocation, to the full, but with that interior fire of doing everything for Jesus.
Her life is still relevant for me and for all of us today. In her brief life she has discovered the secret: Jesus. As St. Teresa of Avila said, "He who has God has everything".

First of May

I love the "First of May", not because it's the feast of St. Joseph or it's the traditional Labor day in many countries or it's a holiday in some places. "First of May" has a touch of sentimentalism. The phrase evokes a certain sadness and melancholy which I cannot explain. Or maybe I could explain it this way...
When I was younger, many years ago, the Bee Gees (yes, that "many years ago") had a song with this title. I loved to hum it. I really liked the melody - so sentimental; but now as I go through the words, I realize that they don't really make much sense... Like, the title is First of May, but the song starts with the words "When I was small and Christmas trees were tall"... or "But you and I, our love will never die, but guess who'll cry come the first of May". They don't really seem to make sense.
Anyway, the "first of May" reminds me that I am almost in the middle of my life. I've seen many years, without me even realizing it. I've had high hopes and ideals, made both simple and grandiose plans; then I've quite settled down and made peace with the truth that life is more routine than great moments, to stop dreaming and get on with my responsibilities. But somehow the heart asks for something more. I just kind of reject the fact that routine and responsibility are all there is to life.
Yes, the first of May, as a date in the calendar, and as music, relates to that longing in my heart for something better, something deeper, something forever, something that never dies.
Believe it or not, the first of May reminds me of my need of God, Love that never dies.