My conscience as tribunal

Jesus said that His followers will be led into synagogues and tribunals and answer for their belief in Him. Well, throughout history we have martyrs who have paid the price for their faith. They were led into synagogues and had to face tribunals.
But no less important is the tribunal of our conscience where we are constantly asked to give an account for what we believe in, and to make a choice. Do I think with the mind of Christ? Do I act out of love, which is Jesus' criterion? Is my speech coherent with what I believe in?
Our conscience is the tribunal that we can never escape.

Giving all

To give to people we love is not difficult. It may ask us to exert effort or to divest ourselves of something, but this giving has its own reward. We give to someone we love and that love itself is the reward.

When does giving really hurt? It is when we are asked to totally divest ourselves of any sensible reward: a love that is not reciprocated, total uncertainty and insecurity. But such is love.

Love calls for total giving. The less sensible compensation there is, the more we journey and  enter into the realm of pure love.

Not a stone upon a stone

While his disciples were looking with admiration and awe at the temple of Jerusalem, a magnificent work of art and the sign, par excellence, of their identity as God's chosen people, Jesus says that one day not a stone upon another stone will be left of it. And Jesus will be proven right, for, indeed, later on Jerusalem will be greatly destroyed, totally razed to the ground.
All of us have our own Jerusalems, our carefully and beautifully built lives that make us happy and give us security. And we almost always say a silent prayer, "please, Lord, let it stay this way!" Then something happens. It could be something big or small. Then we find our Jerusalem razed to the ground; our securities are taken away from us with force.
Then we go through a series of emotions: disbelief and shock ... despair ... anger ... loneliness ... skepticism ... resignation ... quiet surrender ... trust ... hope ... courage to rise and continue living ... Then we realize that "Jerusalem" is not a particular state of life where everything is perfect.
It is truly God who gives us our identity and security.

Just as I am

The Gospel yesterday is interesting. It is about the Saducees asking Jesus about the resurrection of the dead by proposing to Him the story of a woman who was given in marriage to seven men. At the resurrection of the dead, whose wife will she be?
I once read an interesting comment about this. The writer said that in heaven we will no longer be known by our related-ness to others. Our connection with people will remain, but our identity will not depend on them.
In this life our importance is great influenced by who we know, who we are related to. But the only "related-ness" that really matters is our being children of God.
The less concerned we are about feeling important by virtue of the people we know and who know us, the simpler life will be, the happier we are.

The gift of healing

Nope, it isn't true. Time doesn't heal all wounds, especially wounded relationships. Together with time is the other factor called "letting go" and it is translated in forgiving yourself and the other person.
And  being healed doesn't mean that things go back to where they were before. This is impossible.
Being healed means being able to pick up the phone, listen to that still familiar voice, and feel a quiet peace within.

The solitude of celibacy

The emotions of these past days have made me once again experience the solitude of celibacy.
The human person is truly created for union and communion. The human heart looks for this.
As I grow older, hopefully enriched by my experiences, more and more I come to realize that union and communion have nothing to do with clinging or possession.
At certain points of our life we have to let go of persons, events and memories. This would make us intensely feel solitude. We come face to face with our vulnerability; that, indeed, we are never self-sufficient.
The experience of solitude can either lead us to despair or skepticism; but it can also lead us to surrender to God.
The choice is up to us. Whatever our choice is, it will determine our life.

Daring to love

But I'd rather suffer these goodbyes than live a superficial life with no deep bonds with anybody. What a sad life. To refuse to love is to waste away and to slowly die.

Once again, on saying goodbye

Saying goodbye is always not easy. The deeper the connection is, the more difficult and heart-wrenching goodbye is.
But saying goodbye gives a certain depth to us because it enables us to appreciate the gifts that we have been given, even when we have to let them go. Saying goodbye reminds us that only God remains. When we have God we have everything.

Continuing the journey

There are certain experiences in life that leave a big mark. They make us lose our "innocence" and question the things we believe in. As I am writing this, I am reminding myself that when this happens I don't have a grasp of the whole picture. I am seeing things from my own perspective, using my own filters.
I don't want to judge people. I hope I am not judging people. I don't want this to be "us against them". I don't want this to be "my crusade" against a person or a group. Rather, I hope that God will transform me and grant me wisdom of heart so that I may see as God sees, and leave the judgment of people in God's hands. May I learn to judge a situation with the criteria of the Gospel, so that I may truly discern the right attitude and course of action. May God grant me unwavering hope.
May God help me to grow...
... in interior freedom so that I may be healed of my prejudices and my paralyses;
... in coherence of life between what is in my heart and what I say and do;
... in transparency because anything that is not done in truth is like a castle in the air that doesn't last;
... in going out of my comfort zones so that I may be able to give, especially to people who cannot or will not repay me, and to forgive again and again.

True failure

We fail in religious life not because our projects don't succeed.
We fail in religious life when we no longer see with faith God's various mediations.

Conversion

It is easy to criticize others for their abuse of power; but what about us when we treat others as subordinate to us? What do we do with our "powers", our capacity to influence, the esteem (and fear) others have towards us? Are we willing to give them up? Are we ready not to be needed and feel useful? How do we respond when others malign us or put the worst interpretation of who we are, and of what we say and do?
If we are truthful about it, there is in our hearts the desire for power, to have a certain edge over someone, no matter how small this edge might be. Acknowledging this is the first step to purification, to realize that corruption is not outside but within us, to see that conversion begins first of all in ourselves.

My part

I do not have complete power over the outcome of a situation but I have complete power over my attitude.

Pray at all times

To pray is to allow God to transform our being so that we may contemplate the world with God's eyes and love everything with God's own heart.