Our prayers are a reflection of ourselves

After vespers today one of the Sisters told me that she doesn't understand the concluding prayer. It is in Italian and it says something about asking God to look kindly on our questions, and so on and so forth. I thought she was joking but then when I looked at her again she was really serious. What are the questions that we are asking God to answer?
I will not attempt to answer. But her questioning led me to another thought. In that same concluding prayer we are asking God to look "kindly". But He is a God of kindness, so surely there is no need to remind Him about that!
I remember that when I was a student I had a theology professor who always scrutinized our spontaneous prayers. He always found fault on one or two expressions, saying that it's vague and it doesn't make sense, or that it is redundant, etc. In the end we were almost afraid to formulate spontaneous prayers since we didn't want them to be massacred.
I may sound heretic but I guess that when we pray, it is really an expression of ourselves. Let's get back to that example earlier asking God to look kindly. It is a reminder to me that God is a kind God, that whatever be His response to my prayer, it doesn't diminish His kindness.
More than revealing God to us, prayer reveals us to ourselves.
Is God jealous? I don't think so because I also believe that God is happier when we become true to ourselves because it is in this authenticity that we finally find Him.

Bread for the day

Today's Gospel reading is on the "Our Father", the prayer Jesus Himself taught us.
It is such a short prayer but it gives us an idea of who God is and of who the human person is.
God is Father. His desire is to bring His Kingdom into this world and it is an altogether different kingdom from what we are familiar with.
The human person is a creature. Despite our advances in almost all areas, our first act of contact with this world is a pure gift: God's desire that made us come into being. And our lives are always beyond us. We cannot decree when we will get sick or when we will get well. We know that we will die but we don't know how or when or where.
I don't want to sound morbid. This is just to remind me that I am always in God's hands, dependent on Him. For many, it may be a big issue and they may even read there a psychological disorder. But I am not disturbed, because in life we are really inter-related.
This God is so infinitely creative that what we consider as dirt would be a masterpiece for Him; what we think is a terrible misfortune could be a providential experience.
The more I become convinced that God is my Father, the more it will be possible for me to be happy with what I have for the moment. I will not desire for more, nor will I be tied to what I have.
I know that God provides me with my bread for the day, and that is enough for me.

Growing up

To grow up means to pass from needing what you want to wanting what you need.

Growth

For every experience, there is always something to learn. Sometimes it takes time and a lot of tears. But if we are open to God, the heart just stops resisting and we learn the lesson at the right time.

Signs

The thing to say is not "Lord, give me a sign", but "Lord, help me to read your signs".

"What you have received and attained is your present share"

"A thirsty man is happy when he is drinking, and he is not depressed because he cannot exhaust the spring. So let this spring quench your thirst, and not your thirst the spring. For if you can satisfy your thirst without exhausting the spring, then when you thirst again you can drink from it once more; but if when your thirst is sated the spring is also dried up, then your victory would turn to your own harm.
Be thankful then for what you have received, and do not be saddened at all that such an abundance still remains. What you have received and attained is your present share, while what is left will be your heritage."

Saint Ephrem

My life is a lot simplified when I am content with what I have at the present moment because, in reality, I have what I need to live this present moment well. My present moment could be a moment of fear, of doubt, of sadness, of solitude, of sickness, of contentment, of peace; no matter what it is, I have what I need to live it.
One of my realizations in life is that, by instinct, we human beings want to horde, to accumulate, to "save for the rainy day", to "invest". We are like that fool in the Gospel who, after accumulating so many treasures says to himself "now I can just relax and enjoy my life". But he doesn't even live the next day to enjoy what he has accumulated.
I have often wondered how come people want to have so many houses, so many cars and so much cash, etc. It's like our wish list just gets longer and longer. What will we do with so many houses and cars? I don't know. But one thing I have discovered is this: it is like a vertiginous spin that will just suck you.
So I need to be aware. To be aware means to live this moment and to be grateful that I have what I need for today. Paraphrasing Saint Ephrem, I will be happy that I can satiate my thirst from the spring. I will not desire to exhaust the spring because what is left is still my heritage.

Out of tune

One thing that really irritates me a lot is when one is out of tune, whether an out of tune voice or an out of tune musical element. I am basically a calm person but this is really my Achilles' heel.
These days I have to exercise a lot of concentration and self-discipline so as to keep my impatience in check. There are sisters who seem to be clueless that they are out of tune. Worse is when it is the accompaniment itself that is out of tune.
But our accompanist manages to get back to the music, so eventually we end at the right note.
It makes me think of God. I am sure that in His musical score, every note, every silence, every rhythm has its reason and contributes to the whole melody. Often, though, we go astray, wanting to sing our own tune even if it is out of sync. And God respects our choice.
So we make mistakes, big or small. We go astray, in one or more measures.
But nothing is really wasted because if we are truthful and humble enough, our mistakes give us a lot of lessons.
And eventually we find our way back to the musical score.
And we go through the same journey again, and again, and again ...
That is life.

Magic

Today was my turn to get up early and open the gates. As I was opening the windows, a beautiful surprise awaited me: the whole view ahead of me was white. I felt like I was in wonderland, or in front of a life-size Christmas card.
When it snowed yesterday, I didn't think it would last. I have been here in Rome for eleven years already and it is only the third time that it snowed. But this one is different. It has already lasted for hours.
As I was looking at the sky, I was mesmerized by the color, the silence, the cool and pure air. It is my first time to have this experience and the only word I can use to describe it is: MAGIC.
It is so new that I wanted to capture it and perhaps hold on to it longer. I wanted to run and get my camera. But then I realized that the best thing I can do in order to capture the moment is to be there and just let it sink through me. So I stayed out in the cold, closing my eyes for a time so I can just feel the cold air caressing my body, then just staring at the sky, immaculate white with the snowflakes that still continued to fall.
I don't have a photo that captured that moment, but I delighted in that moment. I don't need to hold on to that moment through a photo.
I realize, as I go through life, that having a photo doesn't prolong the experience. It may make me remember that an important experience has happened, but that's all there is to it.
So I will honor my experiences by being totally present in them. Then I will let them go, knowing that I will always have other experiences that will enrich me. They will come at the proper time. That is life's magic.