We will rise

The year 2011 has been a year of many blessings. Sometimes I think that God was trying to make up for all the tears I've shed.
The greatest blessing for me is the grace of insight. I have discovered that I am a strong person. I have always thought that I couldn't handle big difficulties. It is perhaps because of this that I have tried so hard to avoid conflict and precarious situations. But something happened for which I was unprepared. It was like being pushed into a wall with no way out. I have spent a long period of time groping in the dark, just living one day at a time, without any ambitious thought of miraculously emerging from the pit. All throughout this time I prayed that I wouldn't let anybody suffer because of what I was undergoing.
Then one day I just woke up with a very secure feeling that everything is going to be well. This feeling didn't change my situation, but it changed me. I know that I have paid due respect to my experience, that I have let it touch me to the depths.
The miracle was, it didn't engulf me into darkness. Instead, it made me discover that bereft of everything I still had the gift of life, and with this life comes the gift of a God who is with me, the Emmanuel.
So as I say goodbye to 2011, I thank God for making me rise again.

Growing up

Though at first the heart rebels, reason has a reason. It is the journey from rebellion to quiet acceptance that makes us mature persons.

Apple is for Christmas

At breakfast today we had a conversation about foods typical of the Christmas season in our own countries. This is actually one of the perks of being in an international community. We have a wide range of topics for conversation. It makes our interactions colorful and interesting. Anyway, going back to the topic of typical Christmas foods, I remember that when I was a little girl Christmas time meant seeing those red, shiny apples. Yes. Some might think that I come from another planet, but yes, again, during my younger years (a century ago), we only saw those apples at Christmas time, after all I come from the Philippines.
But now they have apples all year round in the Philippines. It is one of the consequences of globalization and the many advances in science and technology. Many things are now possible, defying issues of distance and seasons.
I guess our life now is pretty much the same. We have the possibility of having everything we want. Ironically, though, when we have what we want, we don't really become happy. Rather, we become bored. We don't even have time to enjoy what we have because we want to gear forward to the next level.
The red apple will remind me to slow down and to appreciate the little things, to wait and to look forward.
Life is not something to be devoured. It is something to taste, bite by bite, letting the sweetness or the bitterness linger.
In order to really live, we don't just nourish the body. We also have to feed the soul.

Perfect

The other day we watched a film about the life of Mary of Nazareth from the time of the Annunciation to the loss and finding of Jesus in the temple of Jerusalem. The film ended with a shot of a very old and wrinkled lady, the narrator of the story, who was supposed to be Mary.
The basic structure of the film is based on the different Gospel traditions, but there are a few different and, frankly speaking, quite unorthodox interpretations.
Anyway, what has struck me most was that last scene of an old, wrinkled lady. How strange, to portray Mary of Nazareth, the most popular woman of all time, in this way.
On second thought, I quite like it. The many ways Mary has been portrayed from time immemorial leaves us the image of a perfect woman, according to our categories: beautiful, flawless, young, white, always sure, always right, humble, obedient, etc.
I am not saying that they are not adequate descriptions of Mary, but somehow, Mary's depiction has relegated her to what she is for many people - a beautiful, cold statue.
This isn't the Mary that Jesus has entrusted to John (and to us Christians, for that matter), as Jesus was dying on the cross. Somehow as I read between the lines of the Gospel, I believe that Jesus has given me Mary as my mother, as a woman to imitate.
Reading the Gospels would help me to understand Mary in flesh and blood. A little imagination wouldn't be bad, too.
Like for instance, after Jesus' loss and finding in the temple, Luke ends the narration with these words "But they (Mary and Joseph) did not understand what he (Jesus) said to them. He (Jesus) went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart." (Luke 3:50-51) How did Mary feel when Jesus responded that way? Did she answer back or ask more explanations? Did this event create a tension in their home? How did they make up after this? etc.
I want to know Mary as a woman of flesh and blood. I believe this is a necessary step so that I may take her as teacher and model. If I see her as too perfect, does she have anything at all to do with my imperfect life? I guess not.
I bet Mary wouldn't be offended if I read through the Gospel lines and see her as flesh and blood. Her life is a message. If she managed, with all her limits and weaknesses and the imperfections of her circumstances, to say "yes" to God's designs, not in a passive and subservient way, then there is hope for me, too.

To my past pupils

Dear young ladies,

It gives me great joy whenever I log in to my FB account and see your faces, your messages and any news about your life. I cannot believe that just a little over ten years ago you were the simple, carefree and good-hearted teen-agers I had the blessing to teach CLE. Oh my, how you have all grown. Some of you are now married and with your own children. Some have pursued the careers they were only dreaming about ten years ago. Sadly, one (as far as I know) has already gone back to the Father’s house. Many of you are in different parts of the globe.

Pardon me, and I hope you don’t get offended, but beneath the make up, the fancy clothes and the sophisticated expressions, I still see the wide-eyed girls full of curious questions, eager, yet a little fearful to march ahead and carve your own path.

I remember the times when I couldn’t finish the CLE lessons because of your questions, or because of other activities that “steal” the CLE time. You didn’t know it, but I was nervous that we wouldn’t finish the scheduled lessons in time for the periodical exams.

I remember our prayer moments to celebrate each lesson. How we had to push the benches in the chapel in order for you to squat on the floor. I know you liked those prayer moments because it meant “no formal lessons, no recitations”. But I also know that in the end, you enjoyed them because they were moments for you to enter into your heart, to think about your life. I believed in those prayer moments, even if they meant risking that we wouldn’t finish our lessons, because I knew that they were the rare quality moments you could spend with Jesus, and I know that if I didn’t accompany you to encounter Jesus, I would not have given you what is best.

I remember your journals. I know I was very demanding by asking you to write on them very often. But hey, it was more demanding for me, since I wanted to read each of your reflections and respond to them. Your journal entries were very precious to me, as they gave me the chance to know the person within, the person you were sometimes afraid to show in public.

I don’t know what came to me that I decided to write you this letter. It could be Kathrina’s forthcoming wedding. I just want to thank you for the experiences that we have shared together. Just thinking about you fills my heart with joy. You are all part of who I am. Thank you.

No one of us is ever the same. Each day we are called to make choices, big or small. Some choices are easy, some take a lot of courage. Some have long-lasting consequences. Each of our choices contribute in building the person that we are, yes, even the mistakes that we make.

My wish and my prayer for each one of you is to be happy with who you are, yet be open to become better persons. When I say better, I do not mean “become more beautiful, more popular, more successful, have more money”, or whatever it is that is usually equated with success. What I mean is, that you may truly be happy with a joy that nobody can take away. Success, money, material things, friends, even family are not permanent things in life. No matter how hard we work to assure that they last, they never do. Believe me, I have experienced it.

My prayer for you is that you may truly encounter Jesus in your life. Let Him be the rock on which to build your life. The choices that may make you enjoy now may later be your suffering, if they are not compatible with the message of Jesus and with God’s dream for you.

Wherever you are, I hope you keep in touch with each other, especially with your closest friends in high school. They are the ones who truly know you. They are the ones who will remain with you when the going gets rough. Reach out to your former classmates who are maybe awkward to reach out to you. Pray for each other. Prayer enlarges our heart and makes us think of others. It cures us of our selfishness. Remember that a selfish person will never be happy.

Tomorrow is the feast of the Immaculate Conception. In the Salesian world, it is considered as the birth of Don Bosco’s work. I will, for sure, remember you in my prayers in a special way.

May God bless each one of you. May He wipe away the tears of those of you who are suffering at this moment. May you rest in the firm conviction that our God is a loving Father who takes care of our daily needs.

I love you all in the love of Jesus.

Jesus Christ, the visible expression of God

"By giving us, as he (God) did, his Son, his only Word, he has in that one Word said everything. There is no need for any further revelation ...
Therefore, anyone who wished to question God or to seek some new vision or revelation from him would commit an offense, for instead of focusing his eyes entirely on Christ he would be desiring something other than Christ, or beyond him.
God could then answer: This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased; hear him. In my Word I have already said everything. Fix your eyes on him alone for in him I have revealed all and in him you will find more than you could ever ask for or desire."

(From "The Ascent of Mount Carmel", by Saint John of the Cross)

When I look all around me, I cannot but believe in the existence of God, that is, of Somebody who is greater than the greatest human person.
But I have been blessed all the more because I know that this great God loves me. He is loving, compassionate, merciful, respectful, forgiving. He is a God who waits for us and who loves us unconditionally. Most of all, I can call Him Father, and that is just what He is.
Thanks to Jesus, God is no longer an object of speculation.
Through Jesus' person and message, we have come face-to-face with God. And this God is not somebody to be afraid of. He is a God who has first reached out to us and who continues to reach out. He is a God who has our best interests. He is a God who wants us to have the fullness of life.
Aren't we, Christians, just so blessed to have such a good God?
May this Advent season be an experience of gratitude for this God who is our Father.