Insulated

Being a nun, I know how difficult it is to live with them. It is said that community life is our greatest penitence.
There is a good number of nuns who are perpetual grumblers. Nothing ever satisfies them. They find fault in everything, but are the most demanding when it comes to being understood and accepted as they are.
On closer reflection, I think nuns are not the only experts on this field. I think this is the tendency of people who are insulated from life.
Insulated, wow, what a big word. Simply speaking, it means being separated or segregated.
The structures that we have, in a way, have over-protected and pampered us. We have left the world in order to follow God wholeheartedly, believing that God will take care of us. And He does, through our community. But somehow our cloistered life has shielded us from the daily difficulties that ordinary people experience. So we tend to be too demanding, again I say, without really meaning to be so.
When our world becomes so small that it includes only us and our closest circle, we throw ourselves into prison. Being so narrow, our focus becomes so limited. Nothing ever satisfies us.
That is why the poor and the suffering are our best teachers. They live one day at a time. They are happy just to survive, and they are more capable of sharing the burden of others.
May God deliver us from a life of perpetual grumbling. May we have eyes to see that there is always more to be grateful for.

To be humble

To be humble is to be grateful because everything is a gift.
To be humble is to be patient because we are all imperfect, human beings on our journey to growth.
To be humble is to be hopeful, knowing that in each person there is a spark of God within.
To be humble is to forgive because one's life is always an experience of being forgiven.
To be humble is to let go of the perks and privileges, believing that God takes care of me everyday.

The road to wisdom

Life is a mosaic of experiences. There are so many pieces: small and seemingly unrelated. If we can live through what is painful, laugh at our follies, cry with those who suffer, be happy for the joys of others, be thankful; in short, if we learn to befriend life ... then we are on the road to wisdom. Then, life itself will befriend us. Then the pieces of the puzzle will come to their proper places and we will see that in the Great Scheme of things, everything has a purpose, nothing happens by chance.

One heart at a time

"We do not have to be saviours of the world! We are simply human beings, enfolded in weakness and in hope, called together to change our world one heart at a time."

(Jean Vanier)

Beloved

Today I woke up with a very happy thought. God loves me. No, more than that, I am a Beloved, God's beloved.
I do not know why or how, but it just dawned on me, like an aha moment.
I am a Beloved. I didn't do anything to deserve it or to earn it. It's a pure gift.
The thought has given me great joy and deep peace. I feel so light-hearted. I feel like I have stumbled upon a secret; though surely it is not the first time I have known this.
But this morning must have been that time when my heart is ready to believe it.
My personal experiences show me that it is easier to love people who are good, who do good, or who at least try to be good. I don't intentionally choose to love only those who are good, who do good, or try to be good. But on closer look, I guess I have this in my subconscious.
And that is why it was such a discovery for me this morning that I am loved, for who I am, warts and all.
I remember the Carpenters' old song "Love me for what I am". It sounds so sentimental and the words cheesy, but in reality it is the cry of every person.
Anyway, the realization that I am a Beloved is God's special gift for me today. Life takes on a totally different color when seen from this perspective. Life is not a valley of tears; it is the setting of my love story. Giving my best and doing what is good and right are not burdens; they are my expressions of being a Beloved. God is not a tyrant who oppresses, or a superior to obey, or a master to slave for; He is Love, pure and gratuitous love.

In search of that first love

Jesus tells us that he is our way. We find the way when we follow him through the pages of Scripture. There we see how he was constantly communing and in relationship with the One who sent him into the world. When suffering was part of the way, Jesus chose not to ask "Why?" He chose not to blame those who hurt him. He stood in his agony, intimately connected with the One who loved him and also forgiving and caring for those who so cruelly tortured and killed him. This is the way, and by offering us this way, Jesus gives us new eyes to look into our experience of suffering and of life.
True homecoming is choosing the way of Jesus, where we acknowledge the good and painful in our lives and we ask for patience and courage to forgive all those who have wounded us on the journey. Their love was limited and conditional, but it set us in search of that unconditional, unlimited love. This way takes us on a path through the desert of suffering to our hidden wholeness and to our utter beauty in the eyes of the One we name God.

(Henri Nouwen)

What God gives me

God does not exempt me from the difficulties of life.
God gives me awe, inspiring me to sing in the midst of the storm.

I heard a very good commentary on Mother Mary's Magnificat.
The Magnificat is Mother Mary's song of praise and gratitude for God's love and fidelity to His people, and to her, personally. She proclaimed it upon seeing her cousin Elizabeth. This event was preceded by the Annunciation when the Angel Gabriel gave her the news that she was chosen by the Almighty to be the mother of Jesus.
Thinking of Mary's unique privilege as Mother of the Son of God, one would normally suppose that with this privilege would come the benefits, like having an easier life, being wanting of nothing. After all, we're talking here of nothing less than being the Mother of the Son of God.
But from the very few Scripture references that speak of Mary, we can safely say that Mary of Nazareth certainly did not have an easy life. She wasn't exempted from life's sufferings, big or small. Her unique and very personal relationship with God did not make her rich (in terms of material riches), nor solve all her problems.
So it is with us. Our relationship with God does not give us a passport to fame and fortune. Rather, what God grants us is awe, stupor, that enables us to sing.

Gold

Last August 5th we witnessed the renewal of vows of 7 sisters who are celebrating their golden jubilee of religious profession. I was really touched. Who knows, it might be my first and my last time to witness 7 sisters of my community celebrating their golden jubilee.
I feel especially grateful to God for the gift of my vocation and of all the people who have been His instruments in this journey. As I go through life, I realize more and more that everything is grace. God is a Father who gives me what I need to be happy, today. The problem is, by worrying about the past and the future, I fail to appreciate the gifts that I have today.
It's really such a simple thing especially when I look at children and see them lost in the present moment, without worries about anything. Unfortunately, the grown-up in me has been so used to planning (with a plan A or a plan B or even a plan C) and being in control.
Jesus is right. Unless we become like little children we cannot enter the Kingdom.

Open hands

Give us this day our daily bread ...
Give me only what I need for today, Lord. It's very tempting to hoard - things, persons, experiences - thinking that I am "saving for the rainy day". But the more I accumulate securities, the more I am less secure. The more I store goods, the less I have the time and the spontaneity to truly enjoy them.
My heart and my desires are never fully satiated. I realize that as soon as I attain a goal, I am running after a new one. So my life is a never-ending race without a purpose.
May I have open hands to receive and to give, to accept and to let go, knowing that I have all that I need to be happy today. Whenever I close my hands to protect what I have, I also close my heart to adventure and spontaneity. I imprison myself in walls which I call security. Can I truly be secure inside a prison?
Give me open hands to receive the daily bread that I need. I will be happy today.
Tomorrow is not a problem. Tomorrow is my today in the future, and I know that I have no need to worry because in every today You are present.

Tender mercies

I've learned that the high point of any narrative is the moment of crisis that is triggered by a strong experience. And from the crisis point the narrative comes to its resolution.
Telenovelas are popular because they tend to involve the viewers especially in that moment of crisis when the protagonist and the villain are at their best, opposing forms. That highpoint is easy to identify because it is really the crux, where energies and words are at their highest and lowest.
But in life it rarely happens, or maybe I'm speaking about my life. It is more like an accumulation of little and ordinary daily things that you just take for granted. They're what I call the hassles of everyday life. They are like termites. They eat you up slowly but surely, until you just wake up one day and ask yourself "how have I arrived at this point?"
There is also no single point when you just say to yourself, "It has been resolved" or "I have already passed it". Sometimes no forgiveness is asked or given. You just live one day at a time. And time itself heals you slowly, through little, awkward steps, little and silent signs, small things which I call tender mercies.